Prison Break

If I were writing a Mad Magazine parody of the hit Fox Network TV series Prison Break, I know just how it would end. By the time it was over, every single prisoner of Fox River Penitentiary would be in on the break out, with main character Michael bringing up the rear, when, looking behind him, he would see the main guard Bellick and all the other guards right on his tail.

“Are you guards trying to catch us?”, he would ask in typical cornball Mad magazine satire dialogue.

“Catch you?”, Bellick would reply. “Hell no, we’re trying to escape too, from this crazy, unrealistic, non-sensical plotline.”

And there is plenty about the show that requires suspension of belief. The inmates of Fox River penitentiary, for example, have access to phones in the prison yard, and can evidently call out anytime, to any number they wish to call-free of monitoring.

But at last we know now that at least some of the assembled gang that now numbers nine, will escape, at the end of this season, and as the series has been renewed for next season, they will spend the entirety of said next season avoiding capture, while Lincoln and Michael try to prove that Lincoln was framed for the murder of the female Vice-Presidents brother-who actually was not murdered, but faked his death, all in an effort to draw Lincolns father out of hiding. Don’t ask.

I will tell, though, my predictions for the up-and-coming series.

John the Mafia boss will turn out to be involved not only in a betrayal of Lincoln and Michael involving Lincolns former girlfriend in an effort to find the snitch Fibbonacci (whose tetimony put him in prison for life) but will end up having connections to the Vice-Presidents brother as well.

AJ, Lincolns son, will be sent to prison for the murder of his mother and step-father, and will be befriended by Haywire, who will eventually help him to escape, as they will form a bond based on the similarity of the reasons for their incarcerations-patricide. (this is assumming of course that Haywire does not end up joining in on the escape at the end of this season).

As the Vice-President has concerns over strains in her recent alliances, she will have the current President killed, whereby she will assume the office for which she will then run with the power of incumbency, in addition to the warchest that was stolen from her brothers company.

Philly also will end up at Fox River, and will form an alliance with Bellick, who will be his link to the outside in an effort to extract revenge on both Michael and John.

Bellick will also become the new warden of Fox River, after “The Pope” is done away with.

T-Bag will stumble upon the mass murder scene of a family against whom he had wanted revenge, and will be blamed for this murder, which will have been perpetrated by one of Johns Mafia stooges. He will barely avoid capture. Later, he will ass rape the punk ass Secret Service agent.

C-Note, one of those whom John originally planned on killing upon their escape, along with all the others except for two (probably Michael and Lincoln), will become Johns new muscle on the outside when the heat proves too much for him to re-establish contact.

John will find and kill Fibbonnacci.

Sucre’ will murder his cousin over the same woman for whom he stupidly caused himself to be sent to prison in the first place, a cunt I would find the ugly ass Vice-President preferable to.

No, I don’ treally believe most of this will happen, but that’s the good thing about this show, you find yourself trying to figure out just what is going to happen-the hallmark of a great show. And, despite all it’s flaws and shortcomings, it is truly that, an edge of your seat thriller that, once you get hooked, will keep you tuning in, week after week.