Things To Say To Piss Off Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton has certainly been in a sour mood during the recent campaign season. He has a tendency to really lose his temper and go off, not only on smart-ass reporters, but also on average citizens. He has managed to insult a great portion of the Democratic electorate, and has even verbally assaulted people in campaign events, such as the recent outburst against an elderly woman in the audience who questioned Hillary’s work in the nineties with the Clinton Health Care plan that Bill placed her in charge of.

Some people have even gone so far as to say that Bill has done far more harm than good to Hillary’s presidential aspirations, with his temper tantrums and insults. What one person might intend to be an honest, innocent question, disagreement, or expression of legitimate concern, is liable to bring down the ire and wrath of the former president.

My feeling about this is-why the hell not make a game out of it?

First, dress appropriately, with a Lewinsky style beret. If you are a woman, wear a blue dress with an obvious stain. Then, wait your turn. Don’t give up. If you have to, make your presence known by interrupting his speech. That’s even better actually. One look at you and he’s already mad enough to spit nails, so you hit him with one of the following.

By the way, notice the scare quotes scattered throughout herein. In order to achieve the greatest effect, liberal use of finger quotes when mouthing these words are advisable when asking the following questions-

*Hey Bill-What’s with all this race baiting you’ve been doing lately? Have you always been a redneck racist piece of shit?

*Hey Bill-If Hillary wins do you reckon she might suck some fat slob’s dick?

*Hey Bill-I’m a medium with a message from the Great Beyond. Vince Foster says he’s waiting for you.

*Hey Bill-My sister is one of your biggest fans. She’s a fat cocksucker too.

*Hey Bill-Will you and Hillary be renting out the Lincoln Bedroom for the usual price or will you adjust for inflation?

*Hey Bill-I have one thing to say regarding Hillary’s problem with Obama- you do remember Ron Brown’s “accident”, don’t you?

*Hey Bill-I just realized, if Hillary wins that will make you the country’s first “first gentleman”. HaHaHaHa ain’t that ironic?

*Hey Bill, if Hillary wins are you going to sell us out to China again, or are you going to betray us with a different country this time?

*Hey Bill, if Hillary wins will she bomb aspirin factories like you did to show how “tough” she is?

*Hey Bill, can you account for your whereabouts on the night Deborah Jean Palfrey “committed suicide?” Well, come to think about it, I guess you paid somebody else to take care of that little problem, like you did with Vince Foster and Ron Brown and God only knows who else, huh?

*Hey Bill, are you still going to disaster areas, like when you visited New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina? You just can’t stay away from those fucking blow jobs can you, slimeball?

*Hey Bill, what’s the deal with this “partnership” you have going on with Rachael Ray? Hey, she kind of looks like Monica Lewinsky, huh?

*Hey Bill if Hilary wins will you pretend to be her “roving ambassador” so you can fuck every woman you can stick your dick in, or will you just spend your time bribing foreign leaders with American taxpayers money so you can basically just enrich yourself?

At some point, somebody should be sure to ask the following question, as it might be the most pertinent one of all-

Hey Bill, I understand why you have been so upset these days. Really, I do. After all, if Hillary loses how will you ever smooth things over with the people that have paid all those bribes-errr, I mean, “donated all that money” to that money laundering operation known as the “Clinton Presidential Library”?

Feel free to make up your own. Be creative. Don’t let those Secret Service guys intimidate you. The most they can do is escort you outside the building. On the other hand, when you start to make your way home later that night-be very, very careful.

Remember now, your basic accessory for any serious game of Clinton baiting-