Electoral Magical Mischief

Isaac Bonewitz has posted a magical strategy to help win the election for the Democratic Party. Not negative magic, mind you, but purely ethical, positive magic to insure everybody knows everything about the candidates, that there is no skulduggery at poling places, etc.

Ordinarily, I would consider this kind of stuff dumb as hell, but on the other hand, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe there’s something to it, and if enough people go along, it could have an impact. I am, however, struck by the inconsistencies involved. You have some people wailing about how Sarah Palin hates witches and pagans and how she even went to the extent of receiving a blessing and a prayer for protection from witchcraft from some African Christian minister. The minister in question at one point encouraged people of an African village that had fallen on hard times to run a witch out of the town, blaming their troubles on her. That Sarah Palin received a blessing from him, at about the time of her successful run for the governor’s seat of Alaska, is supposedly proof that Sarah Palin will assault the civil liberties of pagans in this country.

They accuse her of belonging to a rabidly fundamentalist sect of Christians who engage in a type of spiritual warfare against the “Queen of Heaven” which they interpret to mean the “Goddess” and who interestingly enough others say is the Catholic version of the Virgin Mary-actually the Goddess Ishtar in disguise, you might say.

Of course, Palin’s ties to these kinds of people are tentative at best, and she states that she is no longer a member of that church. Nevertheless, since she is a Republican, and John McCain’s running mate, and is a Pro-Life fundamentalist Christian, then everything about her is fair game-including everything about her family and every conceivable bit of dirt they can dig up about her and them, real or imagined. Most if not all of it is made up out of thin air, but hey-all in a “good cause”-right, guys and girls?

Now, Bonewitz is actively encouraging participating in magical rituals meant to influence the election. It would seem that Palin’s blessing for protection from witchcraft might not have been so off the wall after all.

Well, two or more can play that game, so I think I’ll join in. This might well be the first of a series. However, hate to break it to you folks, but I don’t intend to limit myself to “positive” or “ethical” magic. I’m going to do what it takes to get the job done, and what better way to start than with my own response to Bonetwitz’s post, all of which I here reproduce.

Boneheads states-

We’re coming down to the end of the campaigns and the actual voting. Here’s what we need to be doing in the next few weeks to assure a fair and honest election. Pick one and get to work!
Do the mundane stuff: Make sure you and your friends and neighbors are registered to vote and have not been accidentally-on-purpose purged from the voting rolls (see previous blog post). Volunteer to work at the polls. If you have a legal background, volunteer with the ACLU and other groups keeping an eye on the process.
Do the magical stuff

“Volunteer with the ACLU?” So much for ethical and positive endeavors.

Following is his list of suggestions, which I place in italics, followed by my responses in bold. But first, I suggested what might be the most appropriate magic ritual of all-


How about a spell on the news media to make them as objective as they like to pretend they are? Failing that, how about a spell to make Keith Olbermann’s tongue swell up to ten times its normal size, for Charlie Gibson to suddenly fall victim to spontaneous combustion, for that thrill running down Chris Matthews leg to rare up and rip through his slacks, and for Katie Couric to suddenly be afflicted with Tourette’s SYndrome, all on live television.
As for-

“Continue with protection spells on the candidates.”

Been there done that. I’ve been calling on Artemis to grant Palin her protection and a degree of her power

“Continue with revelation spells on the candidates and the White House, so that everyone’s true intentions are made public.”

Apollo is appropriate for this to make sure that everyone in America becomes familiar with the name Saul Alinsky, as well as the true degree of association between terrorist Bill Ayers and Barak Obama over the years.

While we’re at it, maybe its time everybody was made aware of the true extent of Democratic policies as the cause of the current housing/banking/Wall Street/mortgage etc. financial crisis, vis-a vie forcing banks to make dubious at best loans to poor borrowers whom they knew had questionable ability to pay them off, and threatening them with sanctions if they refused to do so.

How about we make sure ol’ Apollo points out how Chris Dodd, the largest recipient of largesse from Freddie Mae and Fannie Mac, was the Democratic chairman of the sub-committee charged with oversight of these quasi-governmental institutions. How about the fact the Barnie Frank, the House chairman of the Committee charged with their oversight, refused to allow any bills to reform Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to come to the floor of the House for debate, as did Chris Dodd in the Senate?

And then there’s Barak Obama-who was not only the third largest recipient of their largesse, but included high ranking officials, including a former CEO of one of them, as high ranking officials on his campaign staff?

(Additionally, although I did not think of this at the time, we might also incoke Apollo to bring the facts to light regarding the extent of Obama's associations with Acorn, and that those facts are known to the general public, especially to undecided voters in swing states).

“Find your local polling place(s) and do protection and honesty spells on the buildings.”

What better deity than Hermes to make sure Democratic voters are aware they are risking their freedom by entering any building inhabited by “corrupt” voting officials eager to find evidence of unpaid fines or court date appearance violations?


“Do binding spells on the warmongers in the White House and the Pentagon to prevent any last minute “surprises” that would “justify” postponing or canceling the elections.”

Although this has never happened in the entire history of the United States, including during the Civil War, the Depression, World War II, or the Vietnam conflict with all its attendant Civil Rights and other such civil unrest and outright riots, you make a good point. To this end, lets invoke Ares to mop up the floor with our enemies in Iraq and “Af-han-ees-tawn”, including Al-Queda and the “Tall-ee-bawn”, therefore lessening the likelihood that such a scenario would be deemed necessary and appropriate.
“Remember, if the spell you want to do would be ethical if done physically, then it’s ethical to do it magically”

Hey, I’m all about ethical. What could possibly be more ethical than Katie Couric coming down with Tourette’s Syndrome, or for the things I said should happen to the folks at MSNBC?. The have tanked so much in recent years it might be good for their ratings.
IN CONCLUSION:
So there you have it. Of course, these initial suggestions of mine are not so much magical rituals as they are along the lines of invoking the aid of specific deities.

Like I said, though, I might get into this and offer more spell suggestions. After all, if the Bonewitz's are going to go to this extent for the sake of one candidate and one party, it's only right that I offer some degree of balance.

I understand of course I don't have the reputation or the experience of an Isaac Bonewitz, but on the other hand-this might be loads of fun, and I am under no constraints whatsoever to exercise any modicum of self-control or decorum, or for that matter common decency.

I'm out to win.