I once worked out a story, though I never developed it, where a third party presidential candidate, running a satirical campaign, holds a lottery drawing. The winner will receive the rather dubious honor of becoming his vice-presidential running mate. Announcement of the raffle increases his poll numbers to the point that he is suddenly running neck-and-neck in the polls with the two major party candidates. The very unpopular incumbent president, who realizes the insurgent candidate is clinically insane, drops out of the race for the good of the country. The winning raffle ticket is held by a retired steel-worker and high school drop-out. The story ends with the president sitting alone in the Oval Office, watching the proceedings on national television, muttering for him to "play that flute now, you son-of-a-bitch". (the insurgent candidate spends most of the time during campaign appearances playing the flute and engaging in stream-of-consciousness monologues).
I never developed it because it struck me as too far-fetched in my opinion even for a satire. I once suggested the idea to Jonathon Sharkey, on the grounds it might actually be a good way to get free publicity for his own presidential run, and might even be able to help him pull one or two percent of the vote.
Even Jonathon Sharkey didn't take the idea seriously.
Now, over the course of the last two days I have learned:
*Barak Obama is holding a raffle. The winner gets a free diner with the candidate.
*John McCain is holding a raffle. The winner gets a free ride and chance to converse with McCain on the "Straight Talk Express".
*Hillary Clinton is holding a raffle. The winner gets a free seat in the VIP section of Madison Square Garden for an Elton John concert. John is apparently holding a fund-raising concert for Clinton.
Of course, the raffles require a campaign contribution. In at least two cases, the contribution must come before the 31st of March. One of these, McCain's, requires a contribution of at least fifty-dollars.
Don't be surprised if Bill ends up on stage at the Elton John concert, playing the sax. John might well be tempted to try his hand at the upright organ.
We are all getting fucked.
