Thursday, February 23, 2006

Jessica Simpson-On The Road Again?

It looks now as though a major show trial is destined to take place on American soil, one involving infidelity, celebrity, and possibly even perjury. There seems to be an inconsistencie in the accounts of Nick LaChey and Jessica Simpson as to when they were actualy legally seperated. According to Smpson they were seperated in mid-Novmber, but acording to LaChey they were seperated in December, some three weeks later. So why the discrepancy, and why is it important?

Well, because Jessica made, in just that span of time, one and a half million dollars, therefore the time is indeed vital. If they were legally seperated according to her acount,then LaChey would not be entitled to half of that million and a half dollars that he otherwise would be if his account is the correct one. Remember, these are the seprerate claims made in legal court filings. Of course, it may be hard to prove perjury in any case. More than likely, the case will all come down to a finding of fact. And here’s where it might get interesting.

Yeah, I know there are some people groaning right about now, those that are still reading. But I just can’t help mself, as I consider this might possibly be one of the all time great Hollywood sex and scandal stories of all time. Or maybe not. It could be something as mundane as two people that simply grew apart, became dissafected and, as happens so often in the world of celebrity entertainment, went their separate ways. There may be no affairs as such that are pertinent to the case.

On the other hand, there just might be. An affair,that is. And I’m not talking about with Johnny Knoxville. Or Kermit The Frog. Now, the goofy little kid in the Pizza Hut commerical,that would be a scandal. But no, I’m referring back to an earlier post on this subject, in which I revealed my beliefs that Jessica Simpson, during her filming of the big screen version of The Dukes Of Hazard, engaged in an affair, not with co-star Johnny Knoxville, but with another co-star: Willie Nelson.

I repeat (and will continue to do so until I sell this story to the National Enquirer), it has all the elements you could hope to find in a celebrity gossip piece. And it makes sense. You take Willie, the seasoned, veteran entertainer, put him in an on location trailor with Jessica, the grasping, ambitous would be starlet and celebrity brimming over with enthusiasm, and looking for career advice, as pertaining to both music and film. Add a little pot, a llittle, or maybe a lot, of liquor, into the mix, and voila. You think Willie wouldn’t go for that? You think Jessica wouldn’t, for the possile chance to tour with Willie, to have him produce one of her albums, and play on it, and for a chance to appear on one of his?

And who the hell is Johnny Knoxville anyway? Okay, he’s another dime a dozen Hollywood stud, like Jesica Simpson doesn’t have more than her share of opportunities for that. But Willie. I can just see it now, that old, withered flesh and gnarled, grizzled face, commingled with the sculpted beauty and squeaky clean image of Ms. Simpson. Yeah, I can just hear that old movie lot trailor boucing around right now.

On the Road Again? Just can’t wait to get on the road again-

The life I love is making music with my friends-

I can’t wait to get on the road again

Willie,this is your chance to make yourself relevant again. Stand by Ms. Simpson, and tell us like it was. Sure, it won’t prove anything as to which account of the time of the legal seperaion is the correct one. But who cares? When the truth gets out, it might be cathartic, you might be able to get those two crazy kids to reconcile. After all,they are Hollywood types, they are enlightened. They will get over it. Jessica will thank you. Nick will thank you.

Well, okay, they probably won’t. But the world will.

Me, I’m just going to think about it and masturbate.