Showing posts with label Environment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Environment. Show all posts

Monday, April 23, 2007

Sheryl Crow-The Nasty Ass Of The Year

People that have read my blog might recall from time to time I've mentioned a late uncle by marriage. He was badly injured in World War II, and never quite recovered. In his last years, he suffered from two serious conditions-prostrate cancer and Alzheimers disease. It was the first one that killed his body, but the second one that caused the gradual, long term disintegration of his mind.

No, this isn't another rant about the Veterans Hospitals that have suffered severe funding shortages. It would hardly be fair to blame them for the mental deterioration he suffered, which manifested in many ways.

Once, he looked for a chain saw in the drawer of the microwave cabinet. Another time, he looked for a set of bed rails in the cab of another uncle's pick-up truck. His perspective in many ways was that screwed up.

It only got worse with time. But perhaps the grossest, nastiest way it manifested itself was in the way he went to the bathroom, and most especially in the way he wiped his ass afterwards. With one square of toilet paper.

He was that much of a tight ass. I shit you not.

Diarrhea? No difference. One square. A normal, healthy shit? One square. Just passing gas? Hell, one square, just to be on the safe side. Just in case there was a little turd hanging around up there somewhere, I guess.

Sounds nasty, huh? Yeah, it does to me too. I didn't know it for a while, but since I learned of this peculiar behavior, I still get sick when I think of all the times I shook his hand. Wouldn't you?

So is Sheryl Crow that much of a nasty assed bitch? Or does she just think all the rest of us should be? Is she really that determined to save trees that she wants to ration toilet paper, with no regard for just how unhealthy and fucking nasty that would be? Isn't there a better way?

Can you imagine how chapped that ass would have to be, and all that shit caked on it. Listen, you know she doesn't really do the crap she's advising.

On the other hand, well, she did start out as the opening act for Michael Jackson, and according to her, her friends a communist, so I guess this all makes a degree of sense.

For me, even a normal healthy shit requires the use of, oh, about three squares per turd. Make that four. Otherwise, I would have no other option than to drop my pants and drag my ass on the ground about four feet like a dog with worms.

I don't intend to do that, nor do I intend to limit myself to one square of toilet paper per shit, or even per turd. Fuck that. If Sheryl Crow really wipes her ass that way, she's welcome to be a nasty ass all she wants. I think she's full of shit myself.

As for anybody else that might buy into this crap, well, you know, if you insist. If it makes you happy, I guess it can't be that bad. Just don't take it hard if I keep my distance.

In the meantime-earth to Crow: When Rosie O'Donnell makes fun of you, you know you've made an ass of yourself.

Monday, April 09, 2007

White Easter

I’m jealous. Jealous as hell, of people in certain parts of Michigan,Cleveland, and some other areas. All week, I’ve been dreaming of a “White Easter”, and what do I get? Disappointment in the form of a long, hard snowfall that barely registered in the end at a quarter of an inch. Not enough to cover the ground or the road, just a slight dusting.

No easter egg in the snow hunts for me this year. Just the cold without the beauty. Yeah, I think snow is beautiful. Of course I don’t have to be out in it for very long at a time either. Still, there is nothing prettier than standing at your window at night and looking out over the ground and road covered with a thick blanket of snow, especially if snow is still falling, as you watch it through the street lights, and it clings to the trees.

Oh well, enough of that, maybe next year. Of course I realize a lot of people are going to trumpet this as proof that global warming is a fake issue. After all, how could it snow on or near Easter, in April, enough to stick to the ground, if the earth really was experiencing global warming? How the hell could it be cold in South Carolina, for Pete’s sake?

Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means a big believer in global warming, at least insofar as how it is supposedly being caused for the most part by human activity. But this does not constitute proof or evidence against it. What seems to be responsible for this phenomenon is the jet stream forcing cold air down from the north and maybe the Arctic circle, further south than is typically the case this time of year. This while dropping the temperatures also adds to the moisture of an already typically moist time of year, and so voila-the result being snow. You can actually make the case that the melting glaciers through global warming actually adds somewhat to the accumulated moisture from the north.

And actually, you can make the case that human activity might play a role in this present phenomenon, not in the sense of carbon emissions, but at least insofar as cold temperatures in South Carolina. Might the constant mountaintop removal and land flattening that has taken place over the years in the aftermath of coal mining-especially strip mining-play a role in allowing the cold air to travel more or less uninterrupted further than usual?

I think there is more to the removal of trees and mountaintops that plays into the change in weather patterns in the midwest of the US, actually, than can be blamed on carbon emissions. Or, at least, it plays as large a role. I talked about it in this post here, and I am somewhat perturbed that it has really taken a back seat to concerns about carbon emissions. After all, as I said-well, it’s speculation to a large extent on my part, but I think I’m on fairly strong ground-the more trees that are removed and not replaced, the less carbon is absorbed from the atmosphere, while the less oxygen is being returned at the same time.

At the same time, the lowering of land levels through mountain top removal, as well as trees, eliminates the buffer that therefore allows more warm gulf air to travel northward into the midwest, thereby warming temperatures in the winter. And, so now it seems, allowing the gulf stream to carry colder temperatures from Canada to, say, South Carolina.

Of course, bear in mind that there would be a huge political drawback to regulating mining in mining states, even though there are supposed to be laws that mandate land restoration to the original contours. They are not strictly enforced, in fact, they can be ignored and discarded if there is a demonstrated need for city expansion.

Still, it’s not a winning issue in Kentucky. The business owners don’t want it, of course, but neither do the workers, who might be threatened with lay-offs. Also, after all, some of the citizens in these towns own land that they potentially stand to make millions of dollars from, but in a good many cases, not if the companies have to tack on the expense of land contour restoration. In a lot of cases, they would stand nothing to gain by the purchase of such lands.

Then, of course, you add the expense that will be added, passed on actually, to the consumers in these regions. What would that amount to? Most people might be able to suck it up and deal with a one or two percent increase, but a seven or eight percent increase of more would cause a severe hardship on some families. And I’m just sticking with this to the region. Outside the immediate region, the increase would be much more, so you can multiply the economic hardship exponentially.

This of course is precisely why mining safety regulations are rarely enforced, and why therefore you have the resultant mining tragedies that have occurred (though to be fair mining is still much safer than it ever was in the past). At any rate all these reasons are why not much headway is being made. It’s that old road to hell paved with good intentions scenario.

It’s just an unfortunate fact that, if all of these laws and regulations ever were enforced, you might well end up looking forward to that lump of coal in your Christmas stocking. Or in your easter basket.