Now of course, I don't KNOW that she is pregnant, and if she is, I don't KNOW the child is mine, but if that turns out to be the case, I owe it to the child, to me, and to Aubrey, to marry the woman and be a good baby daddy. I will not run, hide, obfuscate, deny, and I will not support any ideas of aborting the child.
I didn't even recognize Aubrey when she first come in the bar. Like most celebrities, she evidently tends to disguise her appearance while out in public. Suffice it to say, when I first saw her, she looked something like this-
But after I was there for a while, I started noticing something strange about her. One beer followed another, and as I relaxed I began to see through Aubrey's clever disguise. By closing time, and my fifteenth can of Bud, she had evidently dropped all pretenses, as I sat gazing at the smiling face of Aubrey Plaza-
So as you can tell, my options are limited. I will, I must, do the right thing by her. Its just a good thing I had a lot of beer that night, otherwise I would never have known who she was. A great big thank you to Budweiser. And to those other beer brands which do their part to keep us acting honest and responsibly, as seen in the following Tuborg commercial, reproduced in yet another video I discovered courtesy of the depraved mind of Stanley Kowalski.
