Katie Couric in a recent end of the year round up suggested to a guest, comedian Mo Rocka, that America needed a television program that would be a Muslim version of The Cosby Show. This, she claims, might help Americans overcome their prejudice of Muslims by showing them in a positive light.
I have an idea some network head honcho someplace might try this eventually, maybe this year, but it won't work. Americans are tired of the media and political elites glossing over the inherent flaws that infest the religion of Islam, and the undeniable problems they cause, and its going to take a hell of a lot more to change their minds than just-well, more of the same.
They can certainly make a program that depicts the head of a Muslim family as a loving, concerned parent and husband who wants what is best for his family, and they can make him a lovable, curmudgeonly goof-up for the lulz. The family will be dealing with the bigotry and prejudice they will face, and no doubt we can look forward to hearing speeches by daddy Akhmed denouncing terrorism, and stressing the need to act with respect, tolerance and friendship towards those of different cultural and religious backgrounds. I bet one of his best friends will be Jewish. The kids will be fun loving, savvy kids who just want to make friends and get along. The girls will all wear the hajib, but will do so willingly and cheerfully, while whiling away their time doing their homework, what time they aren't shopping around for potential husbands on Facebook.
Naturally, there will be problems with the kids, who will at times express resentment over the prejudices they face in their lives, but papa Akhmed will set things right with inspiring monologues about the greatness of America and the overall goodness of the American people.
Of course, this will go over like a lead balloon. Just because something presents a pretty package doesn't necessarily mean there's anything inside. Such a program will be seen for what it is, an idiotic attempt to convince Americans that Muslims are "just like us" in every way that is important, and that we should not judge them or their religion.
Fair enough, but we are not concerned about a few individuals. We are concerned about a movement, and its affects on large numbers of its adherents. The fact that Doctor Akhmed might cure your flu with a sincere smile on his face means little in the grand scheme of things.
For such a program to be successful, it must strive for intellectual honesty in its attempts to portray Muslims, and their faith, which is the single most important influence of their lives, even if they themselves are not personally religious. It defines who they are and their most important life experiences. It frames the cultures in which they were raised and influenced. And that influence, while arguably positive to some extent, is undeniably negative and destructive, coercive and intimidating, in so many different ways it is impossible to hide it, and ridiculous to try to do so.
In portraying the lives of such a family, of such people, by drawing on the model of a familiar American cultural icon and giving it an Islamic flavor, such a program should draw more from Archie Bunker than from Doctor Huxtable. But then, that would be defeating the purpose. It would be difficult to portray, in a positive manner, a man who demands abject obedience from his wife and daughters, whose lives he rules with an iron hand, forbidding them from leaving the house without his express permission, other than for work and school, making sure they dress the way he wants them to, threatening to disown them if they dare speak out of turn, or without permission, particularly to a young man who might be a potential suitor. There might be some real laughs if he somehow gets the idea his middle son might be gay. But it wouldn't be so funny if it turned out to be true. Well, that is, if this were a realistic portrayal.
Or, suppose Akhmed's wife were to surreptitiously plan a surprise party for her husband, only for him to overhear her making her plans over the phone and get the idea she was carrying on an adulterous affair. He broods about it for days on end, and of course certain other things happen, and certain seemingly innocent remarks are made that intensifies his suspicions. Then, on the night in question, Akhmed comes down the stairs, when all of the sudden the lights come on and there are all of Akhmed's family and friends standing around singing "for he's a jolly good fellow" while he stands there cradling the limp body of his strangled wife, looking the fool with a stupid shocked look on his face. Ha Ha Ha how hilarious would that be?
This being a comedy, of course, he would not have been successful, so she will revive, and obediently claim she was attacked by a stranger. They embrace and all is well. This might lead him to make amends with his recently disowned oldest daughter, who he habitually calls a slut, whore, and devil woman, all because she divorced her former husband and married another man without his permission. Of course, he will have to restrain the older son from killing her on sight, which should also be good for a few laughs.
And what about that younger son, the one who stabbed his teacher for implying somehow that Mohamed was not a greater prophet than Jesus? A real little spitfire, that one. And there's the youngest daughter, who wants to be like Miley Cyrus when she grows up. Akhmed is going to really have his hands full with her. Patience, Akhmed, patience, she's still young, she's only seven, and if worse comes to worse maybe you can marry her off to your cousin Massoud, who at fifty-five can't seem to find a suitable wife. Just wait a year or two and see if she calms down first. Oh, but shit, he forgot, he's in America now. Oh well, Massoud is a relative, just let him move in the house. He will have to keep his pet nanny goat tied up out in the back, but otherwise-
Yeah, you get the picture. It's not going to be much help to portray Muslims as accepting and tolerant towards other peoples and cultures, when the reality is they treat their own family members like shit, especially their wives and daughters. But of course, when Couric talks about the need for an Islamic television Huxtable family, she doesn't have anything approaching reality in her mind. She wants to present a vision of something that doesn't exist in the real world and hope it will influence us, even though most of us know its crap.
In their vision, Muslims would be portrayed as basically good, honorable, caring, and tolerant of others, and what ones are bad, well that's the fault of us bigoted, zenophobic, racist, intolerant white Americans, especially fundamentalist Christians and conservative Republicans who are infested with hate and who cause the poor oppressed minority people to react sometimes in a violent manner, out of nothing but pure frustration over the hopelessness of their lot.
This is the difference between liberals, and most of the rest of us. Conservatives, and other rational people, see things the way they are, and act and think accordingly. Liberal progressives see things the way they want them to be, and think if they promote that vision long enough it will eventually take root and become reality. Muslims will be encouraged to embrace this more positive vision, and white people's hatred will gradually dissipate, and be replaced by a more understanding, kind, and gentle acceptance.
That's why white people and black people have such a deep, abiding mutual love and respect for each other these days. It's due to nothing but the hard, dedicated work of liberal Democrats, and progressives like Katie Couric who work tirelessly to show us the way.
