Well, it's time to take a stroll through The Pagan Temple's Halloween House of Horrors. I wonder whoever we shall run into as we journey through the haunted mansion. Let's take a look inside.

Shall we?

Well, what do you know? It looks like our host is stepping forward to greet us. What a nice, kindly looking genrtleman.


HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAThis house has been foreclosed BITCHES!

Er, well, moving right along, let's step into the master bedroom and see what wonders await us there. Why, what a big bedroom. It's almost as big as a house itself, and look at all the fun toys and stuffed animals scattered to and fro. This must have been the bedroom of a playful, loving child. Wait. Who's this we see? Why, it's-


Would you like to stay for some milk and cookies, little boys, or would you prefer some Jesus Juice?










Man, what a scary place this is. I think we got out of there in the nick of time. Let's just stay here by this warm fireplace and figure out where we go from here, and-wait, who is that young attractive lady coming through the window with a rope and knife? You wouldn't hurt us would you, young pretty lady?


Look bitch, I ain't got no mercy for you.









Quick, everybody, run! Look, here's a closet, let's hide in here and-Oh my God, who's that hanging there with a cord around his testicles?

Would you like to tie some nuts, folks?









WHOA I think we'd best forget about touring new rooms. Let's just sit here in the drawing room and watch the haunted television for a while. It's all right, it looks like it's just a commercial. But what's the loud-mouthed gentleman going to try to sell us and-and-why is his hand reaching out of the television?



ACT NOW AND I WILL PERSONALLY DELIVER YOU A SECOND LINE OF COCAINE ABSOLUTELY FREE!









Screw this, let's go to the kitchen. Maybe the kitchen staff will have a nice snack for us, then we can get the hell out of here. Hey, look at the funny looking gentleman with the pie? Hey sir, can we have a piece please?


SURE HAVE SOME RIGHT IN THE FACE MOTHERFUCKER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA










That did it, I'm getting the hell out of this place, it's dangerous here and it should be reported. Right there, there's a strong looking man who looks like a person of authority. He looks like he might have even been a cop in San Francisco at one time, so you know he has to be thick-skinned. Hey sir, can you please help us out of here? We'll pay you anything.


Is that so? Let me see your Master Card, motherfucker. You will never leave here without it!









Fuck you Karl Malden, I'm leaving here, and not only that, I'm taking that poor, frail, sick looking woman over there with me. Come on, guys, let's get her and take her with us. Come on lady, let's-oh no, it's-

Why are your pants wet, young man? I made you cum all over yourself, didn't I? You know you want me.









Actually, that's where I pissed myself when Susan Atkins came through the window, so fuck you, hag. I'm getting out of here. Hey, guys, let's see if we can catch a ride with that elderly, distinguished gentleman. I don't give a fuck if he is dog drunk. Hey sir, can I please ask you for a big favor?



You bitches need a ride home? Hop right in.









Fuck that, I think I'll hoof it.