Jonathon Sharkey-Satanic Vampyre For President

Jonathon Sharkey insists on his website that he is very serious indeed about his promised Presidential campaign in 2008, despite the fact that his previous run for the governorship of Minnessotta was earlier derailed. Of course, most people that are aware of this individual do not take him seriously. After all, he is a self described Satanic Vampyre and "Hecate Witch", and has vowed to, when elected President, impale all criminals, terrorists and enemies of America on the lawn of the White House, much after the fashion of Vlad "The Impaler" Tepes of Romania.

He promises to rule in the style of this Medieval Prince of Wallachia, upon whom was based the title character of Bram Stokers "Dracula", and has even taken to calling himself Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey. He also, much like Richard Nixon, has an enemies list of personal foes whom he has also vowed to impale upon becomming President. Included on this list is the Speedway Police of Indiana, and all other law enforcement agencies who abuse their positions of authority and prosecute the innocent. The streets will flow with their blood, promises Jonathon.

And to accomplish this goal, his main enforcement agency will not be the FBI or Secret Service, but instead, a group of fellow vampyres that he refers to as The Death Dealers.

Also among the promised targets are American Indians, promising to end their gravy train and make them pay taxes from their casino profits, like everybody else. After all, they did side with the British during the Revolution. No more special privileges for them, by gum.

Add to the list Islamic terrorists, as well as their allies and enablers, as Jonathon promises he will level Mecca with a series of hades bombs.

And of course, there is Mexico, which has raised Jonathon's ire not so much due to illegal immigration as for their treatment recently of Duanne "Mad Dog" Chapman. It was recently decided, by a federal judge, that Chapman should be turned over to Mexico for going into their territory and arresting Andrew Luster, the accussed rapist who had fled the country and sought refuge in Mexico. As Jonathon here makes it clear in his blog

"Additionally, I will have my special elite group of military trained soldiers, capture Mexico’s President, and bring him to The White House. I will torture him, and then Impale him for the entire world to see, what the consequents are if you wrongly imprison an American".

Nor is Jonathon a solitary practitioner of his dark arts. He has recently taken a wife, and has introduced the future First Lady to his fans and followers of his Yahoo group of which, yes, I am a member, and the link to which you can access by clicking on the title of this post. Here he describes their marriage night with all the childlike glee of a teenager describing his first sexual experience:

Greetings My Friends,

I am happy announce that the Vampyre Community has a new member. Tonight I turned my Beloved Wife Spree into a Vampyre.

This was the 3rd feeding upon her, and she feed upon me as well.

She is presently resting in bed (I think she is feeling a pint or two low). I hope those in the Vampyre Community will welcome our newest member with open arms and fangs.

How's every ones weekend going so far?

So there you have it, a Presidential candidate who believes in and practices family values, and doesn't just preach them. Face it, you aren't going to ever hear George and Laura go into any detail about their wedding night, are you? Or, thank God, Bill and Hillary.

Just tonight I sent Jonathonan an e-mail by way of his group in which I suggested that he announce a random drawing for his Vice-Presidential running mate. There would be a registration fee, which might well bring money into the campaign, in addition to added publicity, while making the point that Jonathon is a true man of the people, and has faith in the judgement of the average American citizen over and above that of the elitist corporatist politicians who are the usual candidates for important public office.

No word as of yet from him, though hopefully he will not consider my idea silly or innapropriate for a serious Presidential campaign.

Be that as it may, he is supposed to appear tomorrow on Troop Talk Radio

Who knows, perhaps I might be honored by having him announce my suggestion tomorrow as a part of his campaign.

Personally, I'm calling dibs for Attorney General. There's a few people I wouldn't mind seeing impaled on the White House Lawn. Yeah, I know, I'm not really qualified, but I always say, the best way to learn is by doing.