Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey Confesses To Me-"I Am Not A Serious Candidate For President"!

If you can't take my word for it, just click on the post title, and the link there should take you to my last post concerning Jonathon's Presidential aspirations, and you can read for yourself in the comments section. No, it is not a direct quote, but it might as well be, as it suficiently paraphrases just how seriously he takes himself.

My response to each of his points now follows:

You might recall that I advised that Jonathon should hold a nationally publicized drawing to pick his running mate from among the mass of common everyday Americans, as oppossed to picking the typical, double dealing politician.

The following response was the first of his "CORRECTIONS".

1) At this time, my VP Candidates are; Christine Todd-Whitman (R-NJ), Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Elizabeth Dole (R-NC). I want a woman as VP. I am not taking applications with or without a fee!

MY RESPONSE-

You will do what I tell you to do, or you will lose.

Christina Todd Whitman? Just another mediocre, barely functional bureaucrat who can't begin to relate to normal people, wihout advisors and a focus group to tell her what to say and do. Just because they get lucky a few times here and there is insignificant.

Hillary Clinton? A cold, calculating bitch whose first order of business will be to completely shred the constitution, starting with the Bill Of Rights. A woman without a soul.

Elizabeth Dole? Come on now. I can understand why you might like the idea of Bill Clinton hanging around the White House, but do you really want Bob Dole roaming around? Won't the White House be scary enough with you running it?

Not that it matters, as they will refuse your invitation to be your running mate. A well publicized campaign to hold a drawing from among all Americans will raise money, publicity, and prove you are a man of the people who has faith in America and Americans.

Again, do what I said, or you will lose.

Well, you will still lose, but at least if you listen to me there's a slim chance you might draw enough votes to qualify for federal matching funds. Didn't think of that, did ya?

Of course, this was just the first of his "CORRECTIONS". The rest are as follows:

2) Spree and I were wed on; 4 Nov 06. I decided to turn her, after she asked me to. We did have a very romantic Wedding night, if you must know.

MY RESPONSE:

You are the one who advertised your wedding night goings on in your YahooGroup, I just relayed the message, in an effort to prove that you are a man who practices family values after your own fashion and are a man with a heart, love, and passion towards his chosen bride. Americans appreciate that and can relate to a candidate such as this.

All I want to know is-did you do this at the appropriate time of the month? Surely a true vampire would not be weak in the face of a gusher of opportunity.

Jonathon then went into a rant about Bush, which I take great exception to. Not because I like Bush-I do not-but because in a letter to his group members, he initimated that he considered there was a "Bush spy" in the group. When I read this next "CORRECTION", then, I was somewhat beside myself wondering if he considers this treacherous person to be myself.

He says here:

3) Bush while Governor of Texas stated he didn't recognize Wicca nor Paganism as a protected religion. Him and his cronies would burn Pagans, Wiccans, Witches, Vampyres and other Kins at the Stake if he could.

At least I will protect the Communities, and allow everyone to worship as they see fit!

MY RESPONSE:

No, Jonathon, I am not a spy for Bush, if that is what you are getting at. I am the real deal, a pagan, a Wiccan based Hellenic Pagan, to be exact. When you say, though, you will allow everyone to worship as they please, does that include Muslims? Going back on your campaign promises already, perhaps?

Then, as if the foregoing were not bad enough, Jonathon added insult to injury, and rubbed in a big batch of salt in the wound to boot, when he said:

4) I have an Attorney General already in mind for the position.

MY RESPONSE:

Well, I will have you know, MISTER Sharkey, I would have made the greatest Attorney General in the entire history of mankind. But now you've done it, bucko. I am no longer availiable. You've done gone and hurt my feelings.

Finally, Jonathon ended his uncalled for series of "CORRECTIONS" with the following advisory.


5) UNITY we better stand. Or if we're DIVIDED, we die!

MY RESPONSE:

Well, you had sure better be "UNITY" then when you and your "death dealers" make your trip to the Middle East to let all the leaders there know what's what, and what you have in store for them. I think you will have to count me out of that deal. I hate rigorous training to start out with, but if I were to engage in it, it would have to hold out the prospect of amounting to more than a suicide mission.

Like you, I get rather turned on at the sight of blood, under the proper circumstances, but the sight or even the thought of my own tends to make me rather squeamish.

I might however change my mind, I suppose. I'll let you know, probably after I walk alone in the middle of night to the most crime ridden black community in America in Ku Klux Klan regalia carrying a sign that says "Send All Niggers Back To Africa".

In other words, be sure and send some postcards.

He finally ended it with

Nel Sangue,

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey

And in so casually disregarding and disrespecting my well thought out, friendly advice, has doomed his candidacy for the highest office in the land to be nothing more than just another footnote in the history books.

And here I was looking forward to Samhain (Halloween) being an official legally declared Federal Holiday, along with all the Wiccan Sabbats. I held out hope that much as the President traditionally pardons the turkey for Thanksgiving, and presides over the lighting of the White House Christmas tree, he would also give the annual Halloween blessing of the spirits of the night, as the White House for that day and night is open to the public and transformed into the "National Haunted White House Of Horrors".

But Jonathon in his effort to prove he is just another politically correct politican, albeit one with an attitude, hasn't even touched on these important topics. He is too busy reaching out to the mainstream, dag nab it, even going so far as to admit that his candidate for Vice-President must pass a sexual litmus test. So there you have it. A vampyre that places affirmative action before all else. He wil go the route of all politicians, I am afraid, into the dust bin of history.

And the things that will doom his campaign are, ironically, a combination of two things-

The cross and sunlight.

As for me, I guess I'll find another candidate to throw my support behind, one who will appreciate my efforts and my talents.

Karl Rove and James Carville ain't got nothing on me.