Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Rasputins' Severed Cock-Good For What Ails You?


If you ever get a chance to visit Saint Petersuburg, Russia, you might want to pay a visit to the Museum of Erotica, where museum curator Igor Knazkin has on display, what are allegedly the severed genitals of the "mad monk" Rasputin.

Who needs viagra? According to Knazkin, who is also a urologist and sexologist, just looking at the organ, on display in a large jar filled with formaldehyde, will cure impotence and any other kind of sexual dysfunction.

Rasputin was assassinated in 1914 by a gang of Russian noblemen who feared and detested him and his influence over the Czars family, especially the Czarina. Rasputin was the only person who could halt the bleeding of the hemophiliac heir Alexei, presumably through some as yet unknown hypnotic influence. So intense was Rasputins powers it was said a note from him was enough to stop the childs bleeding, pointing to some form of post hypnotic suggestion as a likely component. Still, the Czarina, and the more devout Russian peasants, attributed this to Rasputins holiness.

As a former member of the streltzky, a small sect of Siberian cultists, Rasputins powers were indeed formidable. As an initiation, he allegedly had been obliged to stand outside in the Siberian winter overnight unclothed.

Yet, the stretzky were considered a heretical sect, and Rasputin was so despised and feared not only by the aristocraxy, but by the officials of the Rusian Orthodox Church, who considered him at best a fraud, and at worse, a Satanic influence.

Rasputins influence over Russian noblewomen was formidable as well, and though he was uncouth, and unkempt, rarely bathing, and a notorious drunk- with a preference for madeira over vodka- he seduced a great many Russian noblewomen, claiming that in order to achieve salvation they should experience sin in all it's degrading aspects. He was all too happy to show them both sides, and with a penis allegedly thriteen inches long, he had no problem doing so.

Doubtless Rasputin was too crafty to seduce the Czarina, or her daughters, and expressed devotion to the empress as a mother to him, and she seemed equally devoted to him. Therefore, Czar Nicholas tolerated him, at least, though he was not quite so captivated by him, yet appreciated his help to Alexei. In fact, his influence was such that he influenced cabinet appointments of people that were notoriously unqualified.

When he was finally murdered, a nobleman had pretended to arrange for Rasptuin to meet his wife, and the mad monk so went off unsuspectingly to his doom. He was fed candies and cakes which were laced with enough poison to kill several people-all to no avail. In desperation, Prince Yusopov shot him, then went to fetch his fellow conspirators. Once they arrived down in the basement to which Rasputin had been lured, their intended victim rose and assaulted them, then flew before they could react. However, they made it outside in time to shoot him a number of more times in the back before he could completley leave the estate, and then they beat him severely.

Afterwards, they carried him to the River Neva, whereupon, after tying his hands, they dumped him in. When his body was found in the frigid waters the next day, he had freed his hands and and raised one fist in what seemed to be a bizarre gesture of holy blessing. Upon being autopsied, it was discoered his lungs had been filled with water. Grigory Effemovich Rasputin, after being poisoned, shot, and bludgeoned, had finally died by drowning.

According to legend, they had also castrated him, and a maid later discovered his penis in the frozen park grounds. Somehow or another they made their way to the possession of some Russian aristocratic women, who practically worshipped the mutilated genitals as a kind of sacred phallic symbol. When Maria Rasputin, who was the mad monks daughter, heard of this, she demanded the artifact be handed over to her. She kept it in her possession until her death in 1977.

It was later determined to be not a severed penis at all, but in fact what was described as a "sea cucumber", a form of marine life. Yet, Knazkin was more than happy to pay 8000 dollars to a collector who had acquired the object. Since that time, it has held a place of honor in his museum.

There is no indication that any tests have ever been performed on the object which would put to rest once and for all the matter of it's true identity. If it were to turn out to be a penis, it might be possible to arrange an exhumation of Rasputins remains in order to do a DNA profile.

One interesting point is that, according to the autopsy, Rasputins genitals were intact. Now, if this were the exact wording of the autopsy, tha would be most curious. If this is merely inferred due to no mention being made, that would seem to put the matter to rest.

Of course, there is also the possibility that people are making the wrong assumtpion as to who in fact castrated Rasputin, if anybody actually did.

Another point that has been made is that previous owners of the "sacred relic" kept it inside a box, and that it was dried. Yet, now, it has been preserved in formaldehyde, and is exactly eleven inches long. The genuine article was said to have been thirteen inches, and in fact Rasputins wife had once remarked she didn't mind that her husband had been unfaithful to her, in that he had plenty to share. So long as she received her part, she had no qualms about what others received from him.

The two inches disparity has been explained as an effect of the preservative process. The woman in the picture above seems suitably impressed.

21 comments:

Meowkaat said...

Good GOD, Patrick. I was planning on breakfast this morning until I popped over here and you threw that one in my face!

SecondComingOfBast said...

Oh, what were you going to have? sausage and eggs, maybe? Speaking of throwing it in your face-well, nevermind.

Widow's Son said...

It must be Penis Day in the news. Did you catch the recent article about the penis transplant in China? Surgeons were successful in attaching the donated penis of a 22-year old braindead man onto a man whose penis had been crushed in an accident.

Success was expected; he was already able to urinate through it, and sexual function was predicted to return.

But after two weeks the recipient's wife, it was reported, had a "psychological reaction" to the new penis, and the penis was then removed.


Widow's Son
BurningTaper.com

SecondComingOfBast said...

And the idiot actually went along with. Damn, talk about being brain dead. On the other hand, it was only two inches long, not exactly erotic museum material. Still, a little bit does go a long way-compared to nothing at all.

SecondComingOfBast said...

Four inches long, that is, not two, my bad. Blogger is fucking up today-again. And that's sure to cause me to fuck up. How the hell are you suppossed to type a visual code in a box if the nitwits don't give you the fucking code?

autogato said...

God Lord. That is one wild story. Is that really true - this man's genitals are on DISPLAY? Wow. Sacred relic.

Sacred relic? It's a wang in a friggin jar! That is just wild stuff!!

It looks like an elephant trunk.

sock monkey said...

Don't Catholics kiss sacred relics?

Meowkaat said...

That's kissing the RING, not the WANG. Another common typo, obviously.

SecondComingOfBast said...

It was originally owned by women who had been members of the old Russian aristocracy, some of whom may have had blood ties to, or been connected by marriage to, the royal family, and who were exiled from Russia after the communist takeover in 1917. Since they saw it as a sacred relic, then yes, it is very likely they kissed it, though I don't know.

They weren't Catholic, by the way, they were Russian Orthodox, but in certain respects, such as veneration of reputed sacred objects, they would be pretty much the same, I guess.

Bear in mind this may not have belonged to Rasputin, and in fact may not actually be a penis at all, but a sea cucumber. But I guess it's the thought that counts.

sock monkey said...

I was just being a bit silly. A few years ago while on vacation in the Berkshires, I accompanied my friend to the Shrine of the Divine Mercy. During the mass, the congregation was invited to kiss a finger (the relic was enclosed in glass). This gave me the heebie-jeebies. I was trying to imagine how I would have reacted if the relic had been a penis/sea cucumber... I would likely have been escorted out...

SecondComingOfBast said...

I know what you mean. The idea of a bunch of old aristocratic Russian ex-patriot women gathered around Rasputins penis and kissing it as a sacred relic conjures up images that it would probably be best I don't go into a lot of detail about. Particularly with the younger ones.

SecondComingOfBast said...

Rasputin is one of the most intriquing characters in history, for sure. The more you read about him the more fascinating he is. Don't be afraid of the dick, Sou, it can't get you. On the other hand, they do say it has miraculous powers. Be careful what you think about the next time you go to sleep.

sou said...

:))

no i'm put off or afraid of the thing.. just that i was surfing your blog from office! so.. therefore the caution..

damn now why did u have to make that comment about thinking about it before sleeping.. its 11 pm and i'm gonna be sleeping pretty damn soon. .. the bad karma will be all yours u know! :)

SecondComingOfBast said...

Sou, I've heard of women that were afraid of dick, but you have to be the first woman I've ever heard of who was afraid of one that wasn't attached. Now, repeat after me-it's only a penis-only a penis (or maybe just a sea cucumber).

sou said...

damn.. this is what happens when i try and comment when i am sleepy ...

my comment should've read "i'm NOT put off or afraid of the thing.."

I'm not afraid of dicks, snakes, rods or any other thing that signifies it :))

SecondComingOfBast said...

Now now, Sou, come on, you even advised me about bad karma for causing you to think about it before you go to sleep. So, just to be on the safe side, you can always wear a diaphragm before you go to bed at night. That way at least it can't get you pregant. All it is is a raggedy old dick, it doesn't have hands.

sou said...

hahaa! dreaming of raggedy dicks erotically is not sth i'm ready for yet! :)

diaphragm.. hmm.. i'd prefer a dream filter!

SecondComingOfBast said...

Like a dream catcher, you mean? I guess that could be considered the astral equivalent of a diaphragm. I have heard of women getting pregnant from being fucked in their sleep by ghosts, you know. And then, there is the story of the birth of Romulus and Remus. Their mother was impregnated by a disembodied dick that appearred to her from the flames of a fireplace. She wanted it, though, even bent over and backed up towards it. You don't. Of course, in a dream state, a persons will isn't quite as strong.

sou said...

yeah! like a dream catcher.. (btw do u read stephen king?)

God.. you are too much! Where did you find stories of women struggling to impregnate themselves by backing up to disembodied dicks!!!!!

Write a book. Really. Just start writing one story and then another which has some tangential connection to the first and so on. trust me it will sell! :)

[how did you become pagan? were your parents into it? pls post abt this.]

SecondComingOfBast said...

I stopped reading Stephen King after he started getting too cute, and way too bizarre. After awhile, he crossed the line from horror into fantasy and I lost interest.

The story I was talking about was an old myth, I think it might have been from the Aeneid, about the birth of Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. The disembodied dick was a manifestation of the god Mars, who was in mythology their father.

The woman in qustion, their mother, was either a daughter or grandaughter of Aeneus, who was himself a son of Venus by way of a mortal man, whom Jupiter had punsihed her by making her fall in love with.

How I became a pagan isn't an interesting story, there isn't anything dramatic to it. It was just a personal choice, no different than choices people make every day. But no, my parents had no involvement in it.

I just basically started out attracted to the mythology. At the same time I was attracted to what I thought at the time was withccraft, and years later discovered there was a connection between the two called neo-paganism, and Wicca. Somewhere along the line, it just became a part of who and what I am.

As for being a writer, thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you have that kind of faith in my talent, and I know myself I'm good enough, but the market forces are the final long term arbitrers of success.But maybe one day I'll break through and we'll see what happens.

Anonymous said...

Rasputin's penis in Russian museum picture
http://www.ssrichardmontgomery.com/download/nlink/rasputinp.jpg