Modern Drunkard

I found this great site and I thought I'd share it with my readers-I still can't bring myself to say all my readers, but whoever you are out there, I'm assumming at least a percentage ofyou might appreciate this. The name of it is Modern Drunkard Magazine, and it is rip roaring funny. It's quite brilliant at the same time, and what is more tothe point, it's very true. I promise it's worth a look, and if the link up in the title don't work, I'll fix it tomorrow. Moreover, I am probably going to add it as a permanent link.

That brings up an interesting though. Since I'm a Hellenic pagan, I've been wondering, why not put on a link in honor of all the gods and goddesses of ancient Greece, not so much about them but something that they themselves would appreciate, something that would speak to them.

Modern Drunkard, of course, would be in honor of one of my favorites, the god Dionysius. Unfortunately, while I like him, he doesn't seem to care for me all that much. Yeah, folks, you're reading it right here, an admission that-yours truly can't hold his liquor. I get drunk easy, and if I keep it up I get sick and throw up. Even if I don't get to that state, I have a hangover the next day.

Of course, it depends on what I'm drinking. Vodka and water is something I will never drink again, as long as I live. I'm a relatively peaceful, easygoing person, but a few shots of vodka and water and I'm ready and willing to fight anything that moves or breathes. One night while drinking this concoction, me and a friend went out on the town. Usually, Harold Ray was the one who liked to start the fights, he loved it. Me, I always gave him a wide berth. No, I didn't try to start a fight with him, that night. Because as he pretty quickly established a low profile, I've come to the understanding that he was probably giving me a wide berth that night. I was an insane person.

Now, vodka in all it's other forms don't effect me in this way. Even straight. That's because straight vodka tends to knock me squarely on my ass. As does just about everything else sraight, or mixed if I drink enough of it. Even beer. Ten cans of beer and I'm gone. Blacked out. One night, I drank this much beer, and was dancing all up and down the aisles of Corky's Bar in Cincinnati, urging the barmaid to dance with me and threatening just about everybody else that looked at me. The next morning I woke up with a hangover that lastd all day long. The next day I woke up and was still hungover. I went back to Corkys, where Judy, after giving me these strange looks, told me what I had done. I had forgotten the whole thing.

That was when i realized I had better lay off for a while, which I eventualy did, not too long afterwards. For awhile. I've come to realize since then, over time, that there was a great deal of meaning behind the old myth of Dionysius being torn apart by the Titans. He was suffering from a case of divine hangover. Or worse, he may have been sufferring from a very severe case of Olympian DT's. DT's, of course, are hallucinations that are nightmarish in quality, brought on by alcohol withdrawal. They can be so intense they can kill you, literally.

Now if a God were to suffer from that, would not his hallucinations take on an aspect of reality far beyond mortal comprehension? Something to think about. He was lucky, his father Zeus turned his yet beating heart into pomegranat wine and served it to Persephone, who gave birth to a resurreted Dionysius in the underworld, whereupon he joined her back on earth when she returned with the spring.

A perfect allegory for a spiritual death and rebirth/regeneration. Of course, being the God of Wine and divine madness, and spiritual ecstasy, he was duty bound it seems to spread his rites of divine drunkenness throughout the world.

Of course, you should drink repsonsibly, so I don't recomment going to extremes. But if you are there, bear it in mind. It's always darkest before the dawn. Yeah, I know that's a cliche', but remember, cliche's become cliche's mainly because they are so very very true.

So I recommend the following epxeriment. Tie one on about once a year. Hell, even Marshall Dillon said it was good for you. The way you'll feel the following day will give you all the impetus you need to drink responsibly the rest of the year, if at all. And you can experience the catharsis of spiritual rebirth through hangover without having to go through the living hell of delirium tremens.

In the meantime, when you drink, eat. It will help in the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream on those drinking nights when you want to drink responsibly and not have to suffer though a hangover the next day. The following items are good for this.

Cheese coneys, pizaa, tacos, chili, and buffalo wings. You might have some more ideas, and some of mine might sound sickening, it's all a matter of individual taste. But eat something. It will make the high more enjoyable, it will last longer (in part because you will tend not to drink as fast) and if you do have a hangover the next day it won't be near as bad. Oh yeah, and you're nowhere as near to start suddenly hurling all over your dance partner-or whatever partner you're doing what the fuck ever with.

Well,that's it for now. Enjoy the link. Like I said, if it don't work, I'll fix it tomorrow. It's been a long night. And before anybody asks me, no, I'm not drunk.