Now, Let's See You Come Up With A Pick-Up Line That's More Original Than This!

Meet Mark Anthony Richardson, 21, of Oklahoma City. He has what one might call a very unique way of picking up women. Since we recently passed the Pagan Yule, in which we celebrate the rebirth of the Sun God in the form of a newborn baby, I thought this man's story was deserving of honorable mention in the annals of the most bizarre stories of the year.



Some people are capable of doing almost anything to get their rocks off, but this guy takes the prize. In another example of "reasons you shouldn't trust strangers you meet over the internet", Richardson put an ad on Craig' List, pretending he had an autistic son who had to be treated like an infant. He took baby formula, from a bottle, for example. But more importantly, he still wore diapers, and needed to be cleaned and changed.

Of course, nobody ever met the "father", because father and son were one and the same. He would just arrive at the house of his new employee, in a cab, in one case in dirty clothes and already needing to be changed, carrying a note from his "father", along with money for payment. In this one case it is noted that he also carried a backpack, which contained baby formula. And diapers!

He would take the baby formula straight up, with no problems or obvious signs of discomfort, but when he soiled himself and needed to be changed, he would resist, and run, necessitating his being chased, held down, and cleaned, an activity which served to sexually arouse him. At one point, he grabbed the breasts of the eighteen year old daughter of the woman who had been hired at one point to babysit him. The girl was told he didn't know what he was doing.

Well, eventually the authorities discovered that he knew exactly what he was doing, and charged him with one count of sexual assault, and seven counts of outraging public decency.

His mother claims he is mentally unbalanced and needs to be in a psychiatric ward instead of a prison.

I don't know about that, but he most definitely deserves an award. No word on whether or not he is a Wiccan, or plays World Of Warcraft.

H/T Belchspeak

Zombie Cop

Yep, might as well go that extra mile here. Since zombies seems to be a big fad, with the A&E series The Walking Dead being one of the breakout hits of this year's television series, it stands to reason that someone should point out that, after all, it is fiction. Nobody would take that shit seriously, right?

Well, guess again.

No, this is not a story from Weekly World News, it actually happened somewhere in Colorado.

A man pursued by police for a traffic violation actually shot at a pursuing police officer because, according to his later statement, he honestly thought the cop was a zombie. Thankfully, the fool missed, whereupon the officer returned fire, wounding the suspect, though not seriously enough to permanently incapacitate or to kill him.

This was covered on at least one local news report, but unfortunately, the website for the local news outlet does not archive their articles, so it's vanished into the ether. But I think the guy copped an insanity plea.

Zombie Christmas Precautions

Hot N' Cold

Katy Perry should be ashamed of herself!

YouTube should put some kind of warning page requiring folks to agree that they are eighteen years old or over before they watch this smokin' hot video. No wonder PBS decided not to air this shameful clip. Look at those breasts! What are people thinking? Don't they know three and four year old kids the world over will start engaging in mindless, gratuitous, meaningless sex if they're allowed to watch stuff like this?



Yes, I'm being sarcastic. This has got to be one of the stupidest so-called "controversies" of the past year.

How Do Democrat Politicians Reward Those Who Vote For Them?

That's easy. There are many ways Democrat politicians will express their gratitude toward a constituent. For example, if you're New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, and someone who "votes" for you is a known outlaw, you might grant him a pardon.



Congratulations are therefore tentatively in order for the individual pictured above, one William Bonney, aka Billy The Kid. Good for you, Billy. Glad you turned your life around.

And on the off chance somebody might take exception, bear in mind that we do have to make sure that everybody listed on the voter registration roles are legitimate voters, right? Felons are not allowed to vote, ya know.

Ymir's Chateau

I don't know whose this is really, only its a chateau somewhere in France. I just thought it was a beautiful winter picture. You have to click on it in order to really appreciate it.

How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You

HaHa according to this website, there's a pretty good chance your cat is plotting to kill you, and there are ways you can tell for sure. For example-



So what's the chance in terms of percentages? Yep, they got a quiz for that.



For the benefit of a couple of morons who will probably take this seriously-this is a joke.

Krampas

The Germans and Austrians go that extra mile to impress on their children the importance of being nice. If they're naughty, they might get something more than a mere lump of coal in their stocking. They might get something much, more worse.

Krampasnacht is a Germanic tradition, celebrated with festivals and parades, such as this one here, in Graz from a few years back.



H/T Quim from Blogging Isn't Cool

Bob Dylan Sing The Little Drummer Boy-Music Fit For Kings, Gods, And "Titans" LOL

Here it comes in 4, 3, 2, 1, and-



Merry Christmas

Dude, I Hate To Break It To You But-Well, I'm A Bull

Ymir makes his presence known. Here he takes his nourishment from his magic cow, which is itself busy licking from the ice the form of Bore, who would go on to father Buri. Buri in turn would father Odin, Ville, and Ve. Ville would go on to father the Slavic race, while Ve would become the progenitor of, probably (though I'm not sure) the Celts, Gauls, and maybe the Mediterraneans (ancient peoples of course only touched on what they knew well, so Africans and Asians probably didn't figure into the equation). As for Odin, he would go on to become the father of Gods and men, meaning of course he founded the Aesir-in human terminology, the Nordic and Germanic peoples.

But before going their separate ways, Odin and his brothers made war against Ymir and his progeny, the Frost Giants. They killed Ymir, and afterward constructed the earth and heavens out of his body and blood. His skull was used to form the earth.

This was the explanation for the predominance of snow and ice in the northern areas, and its extension during parts of the year throughout large parts of the earth.

Now "Ymir" is exerting his influence once more throughout the earth. He is dumping massive amounts of snow and sleet throughout the US and Canada, and where it is too warm, such as in most parts of California, massive amounts of rainfall will doubtless precipitate dangerous mud slides. Colorado might get mote than eight feet of snow, maybe up to fifteen feet in places. Soon, the current system will wind its way to the east coast. Nor is Europe immune from the spirit of the ancient Frost Giant. The Old World in fact is in the grip of its worst winter weather in years, necessitating the need to shut down airports throughout Britain, Ireland, and the mainland.

Finally, there is even some evidence, according to NASA, that we might well be in the beginning stages of another cyclical ice age.

As for the melting polar regions, that might possibly be the result of undersea activity. Even Charles Johnson now says man does not control the climate. This amounts to a real sea change in his attitude, but it is based on the very real possibility that the seas have actually been storing excess heat for years, and is now releasing it.

Global Climate Change? Global Warming? Yeah, sure. The ancients were wise enough to realize certain things are beyond the complete control of even the Gods. Man for damn sure can never control nor subjugate the awesome forces of nature. The best he can hope for is to adapt to it, and learn how best to make use of its majestic bounty.

In other words-

Drill, baby, drill. Dig, baby, dig. Yes, we need a comprehensive energy policy, at long last, one that does not punish the producers of traditional forms of energy, but in fact encourages and rewards their efforts, while at the same time clearing the regulatory burdens in such a way that other, alternative forms of energy might also be efficient, and, yes, (gasp) profitable.

A heaping helping of nuclear energy also couldn't hurt.

New Regulatory Burdens On The Horizon (As If We Didn't Already Have Enough)

Al-Queda in the Arabian Peninsula might be planning to poison our food? The FDA issuing warnings to restaurants about the potential of a coordinated attack?

Sounds like a perfect excuse time to pass a new law.

Of course, this law granting increased regulatory powers to the FDA is going to make it hard as hell on small farmers, farmer's markets, and regional food producers, but what the hell. Big Ag will make out like a bandit, so we should be grateful we have Big Brother looking out for our safety and well-being, right?

And if it puts small producers out of business, well, that's a small price to pay, I guess.

If one wished to be snarky, one might suggest that the current Democratic Administration was with the assistance of Congressional Democrats conducting a false flag operation in an effort to declare all out war on American small business, with the aid and support of a large segment of the establishment wing of the Republican Party joining in with the intent of helping their cronies in Big Ag corner the market.

But to suggest such a thing as that would be almost as un-American as-well, as a typical American politician.

Key phrases-

*Incoming Republican House Majority
*Tea-Party faction
*Funding

Let's hope something is done to rein in these abuses before potentially thousands of American businesses go under or are reduced to begging for donations like the Estrella Family Creamery.

Bear in mind, Estrella's problems began before this new law was passed. Once it goes into effect, how much worse will it be?

Isn't it time our government's regulatory agencies devoted their funds and resources to helping American businesses instead of harming them?

Four Loko Banned

Why has the FDA banned Four Loko? After all, its just another caffeinated alcohol drink like Red Bull. In fact, the study they cited as a prerequisite to ban Four Loko was in fact a study of Red Bull. Yet, Red Bull has not been banned. So why single this drink out?

Could it be-



Yep, I think that just might have something to do with it.

Tree Huggers Fantasy

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor

EnviroNazis Strike Again

So now what? Government bureaucracy and regulations have made anything made out of plastic more expensive than it should ordinarily be by at least about half. This has created an artificial incentive to move over to soy-based compounds in the manufacture of such indispensable products as automobile wiring. But that's good for the environment, right?

Well, your average rodent would seem to think so.



Believe it or not, this is a rabbit caught feasting on the soy wiring of a car. This has caused numerous problems in the cars that have the new environmentally friendly wiring, usually ignition problems.

The soy based compound now used mainly in automopbile wiring will undoubtedly soon be a growing replacement for the wiring in your home.

This will be greatly appreciated by not only rabbits, but squirrels, woodchucks, mice, and rats.

Mother Nature. Sometimes you just can't please a bitch.

H/T Moonbattery

Gerber Life-The Cute Kid Contest

Great news. If you have kids, boy or girl, you can enter them in the Gerber Life Cute Kid contest. You could possibly win 25,000 dollars, as well as a chance to get professional representation for your child's budding modeling or acting career. Don't feel you have a shot, the competition is probably too stiff? You never know until you try. The best thing is, this is not just a one shot affair. There is a different contest every month. Go check it out.

But, if you still feel as though your child isn't model quality, or you don't want to invest the money (a slight processing fee), or for whatever reason, you can at least help me out. Yes,The Pagan Temple is proud to announce that we have entered our precious little Dickie in the Gerber Life Cute Kid Contest.



He's actually been listed for three years now, but alas, poor Dickie has not won yet. The judges of the contest have so many entrants from which to choose, but we are confident that eventually our rambunctious, lovable child will one day make a superlative Gerber Baby. So please, head on over to the website and add your voice to ours.

Keep the dream alive.

Where Is Your Mother?

Minnesota Head Start Bans Santa Clause (Hint-The Family Of One Of The Kids Is Muslim)

And if you're guessing from the title that the family in question, recent immigrants from the hell-hole known as Somalia, are offended at the prospect of a visit from the giant elf, you can go to the head of the class. This has been a long cherished tradition, one that most families look forward to and which is great fun for the kids, yet our politically correct system decided to kowtow to the sensitivities of one family.

Perhaps a compromise is in order. Instead of his traditional attire, dress him in flowing white robes and wrap a rag around his head. Instead of saying "Ho, ho, ho" and carrying a big bag of wrapped presents, he can scream "Allahu Akbar" and wave a blood dripped scimitar.

Or, we could actually do the sensible thing-tell them to adjust to our culture or get the fuck out. Now that's a concept.

No Bailout For California

California has been called the Lindsey Lohan of states for good reason. It has lost sight of its potential and now, after living so long on a taxpayer funded binge, its about to crash and burn. The future does not look good, to say the least. When you are surrounded by enablers, and you refuse to take advice from those who could help you and so in effect refuse to help yourself, you can't expect for others to continually rush to your aid. They might want to, but after so long, even the most sympathetic to your cause will either run out of patience, or resources.

Obama himself got taken to the cleaners, but the taxpayers got the bill for 535 million dollars worth of stimulus funds granted to a solar panel manufacturer. They built a new plant but closed their old one and canceled their employees contracts after laying off a large part of their workforce. In other words, this was just another day in sunny California.

In the meantime, the public employees unions, state legislators, and environmentalists who helped all this and more like it to happen keep soaking the state of California to the tune of billions of dollars. The place is in debt for more than twenty billion dollars. Private employers are packing up and leaving in droves, in search of less green pastures in the form of states with friendlier tax and regulatory climates.

Yet, California just doesn't get it. The whole state is screwed up. After all, you can't say much about the politicians when the people keep returning them to office demanding more of the same. It's a basket case. It's so damn bad, if an earthquake sent it into the ocean, that might well be a best case scenario.

Look for California to ask for a bailout in time for the 2012 election, if not this year. In fact, I look for it to become one of the defining issues of the next election.

Bow Ye Infidels To The Goddess Of Chocolate

We're running out of chocolate, for a variety of reasons. It is hard to grow and harvest, and the few farmers who do grow it, mostly in Africa, can do better for themselves with other crops, or in other fields of endeavor outside farming all together. That means that as less chocolate is produced, a growing population might well be faced with the prospect of synthetically produced chocolates, or carob substitutes, or ever increasing expense for the real deal. And if things do get to the point where you'll be paying twenty dollars or more for a Tootsie Roll, you can bet somebody will try to form the OPEC of chocolate. Hell, a Hershey Bar would become a trading commodity, a staple of the futures market.

But there might be help on the horizon. Since scientists have recently cracked the chocolate genome, hell I might be able to grow the shit right here in Kentucky some day.

Yep, good old Kentucky chocolate. Nothing better.