See, those airport scanners can show you quite a bit if you just take the time to have the photograph inverted. But no matter how much they show that might be hidden just under the clothing, you're not going to see much inside the body cavities, even if you could take a day or two to pour over each photo. Once you consider the danger of exposure to radiation, you arrive at an impasse. Our security concerns in this age of potential terrorist activity is such that common sense solutions are warranted. But, if you still can't stand the idea of subjecting yourself to the prying eyes that monitor the scanners, you could find yourself in a touchy situation.
But there are those who demand a change from the standard TSA operating procedure, and insist that not only the scans, but the "pat-downs" that some have compared to groping, and molestation, are equally abhorrent and even unconstitutional. Specifically, there are those who claim they violate the Fourth Amendment guarantees against unreasonable searches and seizures.
This is indeed the stance of a Texas Congressman. Not some far leftist whack job, but very conservative Republican House member Ted Poe said this, so, you know, "that's just the way it is".
It seems to me there's two possible solutions. My favorite one-stay the fuck off passenger jets. If enough people boycott the airlines until the provide adequate security, possibly utilizing the Israeli El Al system of character profiling, they might come around.
But since that's not likely to happen without a plethora of lawsuits from the ACLU, CAIR, PAW, and Gods only know what else, there might be a compromise solution.
Let the TSA keep on doing the pat-downs, but make them more enjoyable. Allow each customer to have his or her pick of security personnel to perform their search. Since many will be embarrassed to state their preference, especially in the presence of their significant other, we could train our beleaguered TSA agents in the art of gauging desire, which when you stop to think about it could be scientifically similar to profiling.
We then have a series of private booths set up into which each customer is escorted. From there, its need only be a matter of a few minutes. The trained agent will go gently up the legs, the inner thighs, slowly and languorously inching their way up to the penis and/or vagina. Insertion of one finger, or two or three, up the rectum and vagina need not be an uncomfortable experience, after all. And if that does not seem satisfactory, the highly trained tongue of the connoisseur agent can be made adept at detecting the tell-tale taste of the residues of powders, as well as plastics.
In the case of male passengers, a gentle yet firm stroking of the penis by a female TSA agent would be certain to detect-well, I don't really know what, but its got to be good for something, and if not, taking it in her mouth for a few minutes would certainly put the matter to rest. Again, tasting is the key. Once she swallows, if well trained she should be able to tell what the male customer has had for dinner over the last couple of days. She should certainly be able to tell if he has ingested heroin inside a balloon which has leaked. Or, more importantly, explosive powder.
After all this manual and oral testing, if there are still some questions, the highly trained and efficient TSA agent can proceed to, if a man, insert his penis into the vagina and then the anal cavity of the female passenger. The intense nature of the thrusting which will follow should in the vast majority of cases be sufficient to dislodge or at the least render inoperable any explosive devices implanted within any body cavity of any potential female flight risk, regardless of how deeply or how expertly it is implanted.
Similarly, a similar thrusting of a male passenger into the vagina or anus of the trained female TSA agent should result in a similar outcome.
Naturally, there should be a variety of gay TSA agents for those passengers who are so inclined.
We still have a problem when it comes to small children, but even this if handled with sensitivity should pose no great cause for concern. The well-trained TSA agent should be adept at social services and child psychology. A gracious child-sitter can simply, after reassuring the suspect child, show him or her a series of pictures of various objects, then say things like "you know, when I was your age, my mommy and daddy used to teach me to hide things like this up my secret area. It was our little game". Most children with little prompting will divulge the secret.
Yes, my friends, it is a different world, and we must adjust our strategies accordingly. The properly trained TSA agent therefore should receive the appropriate instructions in the sensual arts. I recommend the volume reviewed here as a good starting off point.
Note how, in the following demonstration, the well-trained agent could very easily soothe the concerns of a wary consumer, put him at ease, and turn what might otherwise be a harrowing experience into one that is, at worse, a minor inconvenience and annoyance.
All it takes is the will. Sometimes you have to be willing to think outside the box.
Sometimes you have to be willing to get inside of it.
