Once upon a time there lived a man who was from the moment of birth so hideously deformed and monstrously disabled he eventually reached such a stage of bitterness and hatred he no longer wanted to live, but was determined to kill somebody before he left this world.
Unfortunately, although he managed to find a cheap gun in his neighbor's apartment, he could only manage to find two bullets. Deciding he would kill one person and then himself, he slowly and with great, excruciating pain tempered only by the slow and steady drip of the pain killers and antibiotics he was obliged to continually take intravenously, he dragged his medicinal apparatus with him out into the streets.
He soon found himself attracted to the sound of people assembled down the street, and realized some public event was going on. Perfect, he decided, as he made his way slowly, and painfully, in that direction.
As he made his way down that way, so horrible was his appearance that strong men quivered with shame and revulsion, and women feinted. One enterprising soul threw a grapefruit at the hideous man and laughed at him.
"Hey, what horror movie did you escape from?" he shouted to the delight of his vulgar drunken friends.
Unperturbed, he pressed on, until soon he saw the assembled crowds appearing in front of where two men spoke at what he saw by the sign was a "debate".
One man was a tall, relatively young black man. The other was some old white haired geezer.
The man pressed on, even though it caused him great pain. His one useless leg drug and so he had to be careful to lift it as he walked, and his one good arm, the one not shriveled into a useless appendage that never grew from birth, struggled mightily to maneuver the intravenous device he was obliged to carry with him the rest of his life.
As he made his way closer, he saw perhaps the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. So strikingly beautiful and alluringly dressed was she, in fact, that his mutilated half penis got hard, just briefly enough to cause him excruciating pain, and he moaned in agony, until the woman saw him and, catching on to his predicament, though intoxicated, groaned, "Ugh, I don't think so Frankenstein."
He pressed on, determined to finally get his revenge, and as he approached the stage, everybody faded in horror at the sight of the man with the ripped up face and grossly misshapen head-
All that is, save the two men on the stage who looked at the pitiful man with unbridled curiosity. Even though the Secret Service Agents were sickened at the repulsive sight, the two men ignored their whispered urgings and made their way toward the unfortunate man.
"Hi, I'm Barak Obama," said the young black man, "and if you vote for me I will see you have the best health care available. I will see that the government provides it to you free of charge, because it is your right."
"I'm John McCain," said the older man, "and if you vote for me I will see that the private sector has the government off its back so it can grow and prosper and invest in the new kinds of technologies to cure you at any affordable cost."
Suddenly, the man groaned and screamed, although, lacking a tongue since childbirth, he was unable to say a word. Suddenly, he came out with a gun and pointed it at first one candidate, and then another. He was unsure of which candidate to shoot, and they were aware of his dilemma.
"He's only got one bullet for one of us, and probably one for him, I bet," McCain mused.
"Oh boy, I guess one of us is a goner, unless we can think of something fast," Barak replied. "Our Secret Service protection either passed out or ran away when they got a look at this guy. So what do we do now?"
Before either one could act, however, the man simply drew the gun and, putting it to his head, he pulled the trigger, leaving Barak and McCain to stare at each other in shock and confusion. Suddenly, it dawned on them.
"Oh, I get it now," McCain said-
"He's an abortion survivor."
