Jesse Jackson might not speak at this year’s Democratic National Convention, which would end a streak of convention speeches stretching back to 1984. That was the year he castrated Walter Mondale. He’s done his part in every convention since then, but since he announced his intentions so publicly on Fox News, everybody is a bit wary of him.
According to one unnamed source-
“Okay, now let’s face it, we all respect the Reverend Jackson, and appreciate his many considerable accomplishments, but it gets a little tiring having to walk around watching your nuts 24/7. It is that elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. No one wants to tell the guy, ‘can we please have your knife, Reverend Jackson?’ I mean, something like this was bound to happen eventually."
A slated Massachusetts delegate was even more explicit.
“He terrorized poor Mike Dukakis in 1988. I mean, Mike is a little guy anyway, and you know how they are so insecure about their size. The idea of somebody cutting off his nuts was just incredibly stressful to him, especially with that Greek macho thing eating away at him.”
It would also appear that the Reverend Jackson has deep pockets, and a long reach. According to an elderly female Arkansas delegate-
“Bill Clinton was afraid to get a blowjob during the convention and it was about to drive him crazy. When he realized I had dentures he paid me ten thousand dollars during each convention to service his needs, and we have been fast friends ever since. I mean, I don’t think anybody here would take money from Reverend Jackson to bite somebody nuts off, but you never can tell. Stranger things have happened, I guess.”
Bill Clinton’s narrow escapes from castration, however, have been the exception. According to a Nashville delegate-
“When Al kissed Tipper at the 2000 convention, we knew it was an act, of course. It says a lot about Al Gore’s personal character and integrity that he was able to put on such a brave face after Jesse got through with him. But, at least now you know the reason for the weight gain.”
A delegate from Boston, however, shared perhaps the saddest story of all-
“Kerry tried his damndest to get around Jesse’s determination. He had his staff leak stories about how he got his nuts shot off in Vietnam, and this was why he did not want to release his military records to the press. Jesse was too smart to fall for it though. Whatever you think about Jesse Jackson, when he sets his mind to getting hold of your nuts, you can kiss them goodbye.”
Expressed a convention coordinator-
“We’ve tried every appeal to reason we can think of. We reminded Jesse that our convention this year in Denver is supposed to be green and environmentally friendly, and that cutting a man’s nuts off is just not conducive to reducing mankind’s carbon footprint. He just laughed that weird little laugh of his when his eyes get all glazed over. Well, to be fair it didn’t make a lot of sense, so I tried to remind him that the Democratic Party is the party of peace and prosperity, but by that time I think I’d already lost him.”
“Barak Obama is in dire danger,” said one Illinois delegate. “He is perfectly within his rights to ban Jesse from the convention, given the circumstances, and Jackson’s history. The problem remains, how do we keep him out altogether? I just don’t see how we can do it.”
Jesse is particularly perturbed at the notion that Hilary Clinton intends to put her name in nomination at the convention.
“What if she wins the nomination after all?” someone asked him.
“I’ll cut that bitches nuts off,” he reportedly replied.
Mused one New York delegate-
“I bet he’ll do it too.”
7 comments:
It's so effing hilarious the way you find the funniest, worst pictures of people when posting about them.
Sometimes half the fun of doing that kind of post is when you can find a picture that seems to fit it real well. It's also the part of it that's most like work. I'll say it took me roughly thirty minutes to find that picture. When I saw it full size, I knew I had the perfect one.
He plays a destructive political role. He is like Kucinich, leading people to the Democratic Party. That is the graveyard for social movements.
Ren-
"Democratic Party. That is the graveyard for social movements."
Well, that would explain the stench. Somebody should have thought to bury them face down.
Seriously, Jackson is one of those guys that send people like me running in droves from the Democrats. Kucinich, not that many people take seriously.
Since I've become more of a constitutional purist over the last several years, I doubt I would ever go back to it. Still, I figure he did me a little bit of a favor by encouraging me to examine my past beliefs a bit more.
I might have stayed put if not for guys like him. His tirade about cutting off Obama's nuts is actually an accurate symbolic representation as to what he and his ilk have done to the Democrats over the years.
Note how in my fanciful little post Clinton was the only one whose nuts he failed to remove. He come dangerously close at that. Maybe on balance his contribution is not all that negative, in an ironic kind of way.
Politics aside, and just some personal insights from a politically uninformed person, Jesse Jackson has a big chip on his shoulder. He actually did Obama a favor when he threatened to cut his balls off. The more distance Jesse puts between himself and Obama, the better off Obama will be politically. In fact, I think Jesse intentionally distanced himself from Obama to help the Obama campaign.
I went to a speech Jesse was giving on “Juneteenth” here in Texas. Jesse made a statement that shows his sentiments towards white Americans and his abilities to let go of the past. He said, “And I never want America to forget who the slaves were and who the slave masters were.” Credo Mutwa made a statement about the Bantu people that is very true. Credo said, “The Bantu people will be your friend and live with you in peace until the day they can exact their vengeance for wrongs you have done to them. It may be 400-500 years before they get their revenge, but they will patiently wait.” Credo Mutwa is a Zulu shaman and lore-master, he is also a genius. Bantu people refer to all black people in or from Africa.
Now here is a personal revelation through a dream: “There was a very large and powerful African man walking with a very large and powerful white man. Both men were dressed tribally. They were walking on either side of an old wooden wagon that was being pulled by a water buffalo. The water buffalo was struggling very hard to pull this wagon. The wagon was not hard to pull because it was heavy; it was empty and had nothing in it. It was hard to pull because instead of having the wheels on the side position in a normal manner, the wheels were on the front and back so that they were being dragged instead of turning smoothly. The powerful black man and the powerful white man were amused by the struggles of the water buffalo. After a time, the black man came to the front of the water buffalo and delivered a crushing blow straight into the forehead of the poor beast. His fist sunk into the animal’s skull. The eyes on the water buffalo bulged out in pain and horror.”
The powerful black man and the powerful white man represent Obama and McCain. The water buffalo represents the American people and their daily struggles. The empty wagon represents the average Americans struggle to get ahead. The black man coming to the front represents Obama winning the presidential election. The black man sinking his fist into the water buffalo’s head represents future suffering for the American people.
P.S. I was the only white person at the "Juneteenth" speech Jesse was giving.
Blue Skull-
Wow, that was one hell of a scary dream. It could also mean Obama might commit some gaff that will so horrify the American people it could change the outcome. If the persona of the white man in the dream is an accurate reflection of McCain, though, it might not be any better.
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