Gore's Nobel Prize Is A Scam-My Way Is Better

I will tell you somebody that deserves a Nobel Prize more than Al Gore-me.

Of course, it takes a lobbying effort to win a Nobel, and Gore's lobbyists consists of politicians, pundits, and establishment scientists hoping to rake in mega-bucks in the form of government grants.

Still, he won, though he should not have, only in part because of the reasons I listed in this post.

Now, other politicians are trying to get on the bandwagon. John McCain, for example, has evidently figured out it might be the one sure fire way to salvage his troubled Presidential run for the Republican nomination, hoping to draw independents and crossover democrats in those primary states where they are eligible to vote.

And the fucking farmers, in the meantime, are trying their damndest to make sure I have to pay at least twice as much money for groceries by putting a significant part of their crop production into grains for use in the ethanol industry, which will of course raise the price of food by limiting the supply.

Then, some more fucks want to make sure that when I eat the one meal a day I'll be limited to, if I'm lucky, I will be obliged to do it under a fucking light filled with poisonous mercury.

If these same fucktards have their way, plastic bags will be a thing of the past, so I had better hope my car holds up. That would be the one I will probably have to suck dicks on the side for about a year to make the money to have it converted to a hybrid engine. A car will be an absolute essential in order to transport groceries stuffed into small recycled paper bags, of course.

Since I will no longer be able to dispose of my cat litter in plastic bags, fortunately I have been informed that cat shit and cat piss will make a good fertilizer for my flower and vegetable gardens.

Unfortunately, I do not live in the land of the magic cat, the cats here in Kentucky are of the variety that if they shit or piss on your flowers and vegetables, it tends to kill them. Still, these are environmentalists who recommended cat waste on my garden, and environmentalists should know what they are talking about, right? Riiigghhtt.

That would probably be why I was told by a Bulgarian environmentalist some months ago that it was justified for environmentalists to exaggerate the dangers of global warming. After all, this would insure that everybody jumps on the bandwagon for the good of the planet. She never quite explained to me why, if it was such a serious problem, there was a need to exaggerate to begin with.

I have decided quite some time ago that most of the problem with global warming is cyclical, with human activity being of course a part of the problem. That only makes sense. After all, the greater the population, and the more advanced the technology, the more pollutants, in addition to the more oxygen consumed and the less replaced, due to the corresponding decrease in vegetation.

Even so, it is only a small part of the cyclical problem, and can be easily remedied with the following solutions. With this in mind, I now put in my bid for the next Nobel Prize. If the following policies are enacted-problem solved.

1. Plant as much trees and other forest vegetation as possible, and keep it at a minimum level.

2. Restore land contours, in the aftermath of mining, to as close to their original levels as possible.

3. Guarantee tax breaks to businesses to insure reduction in carbon emissions. Then, mandate those emissions. Don't give them the tax cuts and assume the companies will voluntarily abide by the reductions in good faith.

4. Encourage development of alternate energy sources that can provide a continual and long-range source of clean, efficient, and inexpensive power-especially nuclear, geothermal, and hydro-electric power.

5. Mandate a moratorium on further road construction, while insuring that all existing roads, bridges, tunnels, etc., are properly maintained.

6. Encourage development of mass transit, including buses and passenger trains. This should not merely be city based, but intercity and interstate as well.

7. Mandate CAFE standards of at least fifty miles per the gallon-AT LEAST-of all automobiles, including SUVs and pick-up trucks.

If all these policies are adopted, and maintained over a period of two decades or more, the problem will be solved, and then some. None of the other off-the-wall bullshit will be necessary, or advisable.

Now, where is my fucking Nobel Prize?