Peanut Butter And Pussy

I recently read a friend's on-line journal, in which she intimated, "I taste like peanut butter". Well, ever since I read that, of course, I've had a nearly uncontrollable craving for the stuff. I find myself wondering, too, does she really taste like peanut butter? How does she know? Did somebody tell her? I'll probably never work up the nerve to ask her what I really want to ask her. Which is, is there any possibility I can one day have a taste? Probably not. Be that as it may, I can see potential for a great magical ritual here. I think I've got it all figured out. Yes, you may try this at home, but I would advise not in the bed.

After a nice hot shower, in which of course the woman is sufficiently rinsed and dried, apply a thorough massage of warm peanut oil, all over the body. This should make her receptive. Then, a large jar of creamy (I do not advise chunky, for reasons that will soon be apparent), applied strategically, on the breasts, abdomen, lower thighs, etc., and of course reserve the greatest amount of the substance on the woman's pussy. Massage it in thoroughly. Then, slowly, exquisitely, suck it off, applying the appropriate amount of pressure. Of course, you should save the pussy for last.

It's almost like peanut butter was created just for this purpose. It's better than whipped cream, better than chocolate syrup, or any kind of fruit flavored ice cream topping, or any other such condiment. In fact, if used in just the right amounts, and of sufficiently high quality, it is more in keeping with the overall flavor and texture of the normal female bodily fluids which I assure you shall be produced in abundance, and yet the peanut butter will augment and compliment the flavor, even to the majority of those who are naturally squeamish about such activities as this. Such is not the case, alas, with the other more commonly used substances I have mentioned.

The thought of it makes me yearn for the days when the government passed out comodities, one of which included a delectable brand of peanut butter, which was in my opinion of the highest quality of any I have yet encountered. I have not seen this around, unfortunately, for several years now. It came in a large can and, when opened, the peanut oil was at the top, and had to be stirred in. But it was great, and would certainly be perfect for this purpose. Failing that, however, I suppose Peter Pan or Jif would do fine. Stay away from the off-brands, however, most of which are too dry, and otherwise of inferior quality.

And pussy, of course, deserves a condiment which is the highest possible quality. You should put as much as possible on it, as when you begin to eat it off, a great deal will inevitably be pushed up inside. Again, you should avoid the Chunky brands. Chase the peanut butter up with your tongue, as far as you can. Then, when you fuck her (which if you do all this with the requisite skill and yearning is a foregone conclusion), it could well be that there will be a secondary benefit. No condoms, in other words, may be necessary, for the peanut butter now up in the woman's pussy should prove as effective a sperm blocker (if not an actual spermicide) as any birth control device on the market.

Naturally, the woman should shower or douche or whatever to get it all out afterwards, if possible. But hey, women of ancient Egypt at one time used a douche of honey and crocodile shit as a spermicide. How bad can a jar of peanut butter be?