Ozzy Osbourne is to be the subject of a new round of medical research into the mysteries of the human genome. Researchers will map Ozzy's genes in an effort to find out why he is even still alive. After constant years of drug abuse and other outrageous and dangerous behavior, such as biting the heads off of bats, and snorting a line of ants, and who knows what else, he should by all rights be dead. Therefore, the reasoning is there must be something special there that might serve to identify differences as to why some individuals are just more hardy than others.
Ozzy talks about how befuddled his doctors are-
"Every time I have a medical, they say, 'There is nothing wrong with you', and they are shaking their heads as they do it."
Be that as it may, Ozzy would in all probability be long dead if it weren't for wife Sharon, their kids, and the fact that he's been clean for the last eight years. As such, I think the research, at a cost of roughly twenty-seven thousand dollars-and this was back in the early days of human genome mapping-will be pretty much a waste of time.
Even Ozzy is smart enough to know there's nothing medically special about him. He's just lucky, and he has even wisely impressed upon his children that they shouldn't think they are immune because they have inherited some kind of super gene. He also stated that such is the level of his addictive nature that if he so much as smoked one cigarette, by week's end he might well be back on heroin.
So there's your answer. In order to survive years of risky drug abuse, you have to have an evolved genetic factor leaning towards addiction, which facilitates adaptation to drugs and other dangerous substances. Then, after so long, like after you've been committed a time or two, you have to find a kick-ass, take no prisoners wife who takes total control of your life, both personal and professional, screens your friends and associates, cleans you up, and drags you kicking and screaming into some semblance of personal responsibility.
Does anybody really believe Ozzy would even be alive, let along semi-functional, had it not been for the change in his life Sharon engineered? Whatever one might think of her and her motivations, this is plainly the case.
This is just another cool way to get a research grant, obviously. These people should go ahead and clone Ozzy and get it over with. You know they're dying to do just that. Then we can find out, hopefully, how Ozzy would have fared if he had lived all of his years like he's lived the last eight. That now would be some research worth funding.
