Hey Chris Brown, I hear you had to cancel your scheduled European tour because you've been banned from Britain, all because of that domestic violence incident between you and your one-time girlfriend, Rihanna. That's really too bad, but hey, take heart. There might be a way for you to move beyond this in a way that you can sustain your career and get it back on track. What should you do?
Simple-convert to Islam. Do that, and you can beat your bitches all day long. You can do so for any reason, from talking to somebody, leaving the house without your permission, or walking too close to you while out on the street. If you ever have daughters, you can beat them too. You can even hire somebody to perform circumcision (otherwise known as clitoral castration), once they get so old. If you're really cool about it, you can have them or your wife beheaded.
As long as you don't leave any real solid proof that you yourself killed them or had them killed, those Brits aren't going to look too hard for evidence. After all, David Cameron, the new British Conservative Prime Minister, is promoting the Anti-Discrimination Law, which would make it illegal to criticize Islam, or to act in any way towards the religion, or its adherents, that might be construed as "oppressive".
Just between you and me, though, Chris old boy, you'd better draw the line when it comes to promoting or inciting acts of terrorism. That might be going too far-for now. In order to get away with going that far, for the time being, you might have to go the extra step of becoming an Imam, a complicated and time consuming procedure. Who knows though, maybe you can become an honorary Imam, at which point you can preach jihad against the West and against Britain, right in the mosque-hell, maybe even in Piccadilly Square.
It might be worth looking into. If you are interested in bringing about the spread and acceptance of shariah law in Britain's Muslim community with the sanction of the British government, you could find numerous Muslims who would sponsor your training and help you with all the ins and outs of life in Britain as a faithful, devout Muslim.
Remember, Chris-no matter what Muamar Khadafi might tell you, you don't have to necessarily be a Muslim from Turkey to be a hidden soldier in that great big Islamic Trojan Horse being allowed into Europe by clueless EU elites. All you have to do is convert to Islam, preach jihad, engage in hate speech against other religions, oppress women and gays, accuse anyone that criticizes Islam of religious intolerance-while you call out for their murder-and all the other things a faithful Muslim is supposed to do. Do all that and not only can you go to Britain anytime you want, you can probably immigrate there permanently and, HaHaHa, the British government might even give you a monthly check and free medical care.
Just something else to consider in the event your career takes a dive. Let's face it, anythings possible these days. Just hope your fan base is more tolerant that the fans of, say, the Dixie Chicks. But even if they are not, you will have something the Dixie Chicks did not have in their favor. You will have the power of a barbaric, savage religion that has remained essentially unchanged since its founding in the seventh century by a brutal, merciless warlord whose forces raped, murdered, and pillaged their way across three continents, merrily engaging in the practice of ethnic cleansing all along the way throughout the centuries.
With a force like that behind you, how could you possibly go wrong?
One further word of advice. If you do convert, don't change your mind and convert from Islam to something else. That would be a sure-fire way for you to get you a quick death sentence-courtesy of the "religion of peace".
