Massachusetts Senate Coakley Ad Satire-My IowaHawk Submission

UPDATE-BROWN WINS! COAKLEY CONCEDES!

UPDATE-Scott Brown is no RINO, insists John R. Guardiano on the American Spectator blog.

UPDATE- Pajammas Media has Scott Brown up 9.6 percent among likely voters, which is identical to his lead over Coakley in a poll conducted by the Merriman River Group.

(Any further updates at bottom of post).

Things are really heating up in the special election for the Massachusetts Senate seat formerly held by the late Edward Kennedy. In fact, Martha Coakley, the former state AG once considered the sure winner of the election, seems to be getting desperate in the face of polls which variously show Republican State Senator Scott Brown to either be within two points, or solidly in the lead in polling, according even to Coakley's own internal polling.

So over the top have been her ads, including one that insists Brown wants to turn away all rape victims from the hospitals, that Brown himself has threatened to file a lawsuit against Coakley's campaign if the charge is not retracted by Tuesday morning.

In the meantime, Iowahawk has come up with a brilliant concept. He has asked readers to submit proposed satires of Coakley ads. This is also an unusual move, in that Iowahawk ordinarily does not post comments to his blog.

Naturally, I came up with my own submission, which is as follows-

THE RETARDED POLICIES OF SCOTT BROWN (COAKLEY AD)

In the background a violin with tones representing despair combined with a sense of mounting evil sets the stage as a woman arrives home to her affluent Boston suburban home from a hard days work, unsuspecting of the horrible news that awaits. She opens her front door and enters to see her young teenage daughter, about fourteen years old, crying and visibly shaken. Worried, she approaches anxiously.

Mom: What happened at the doctor’s, Mary?

Mary: Oh mom, the doc told me that my baby was a Moderate Retarded fetus. It’s awful.

Mom: It’s all right sweetheart. These things happen. You can get an abortion, and maybe in a year or two you’ll be able to have a normal baby.

Mary: You don’t understand Mom. Senator Scott Brown won’t allow the doctor to give me an abortion. According to him, my retarded baby has as much of a right to life as any real person does. Oh mom, how could this happen? Why did you vote for such an uncaring, evil, backwards thinking person like Scott Brown? How could the people of Massachusetts elect him to Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat?

Pan to mother expressing an anxious, defeated look of sadness, as the image fades.

V/O-Could such a thing really happen? Unfortunately, yes it could and will if Scott Brown wins. Scott Brown claims he cares about the citizens of Massachusetts. Yet, he has demonstrated time after time that Scott Brown cares for nothing but the special interests of Retarded Moderates.

And he wants to make sure there are more and more Retarded Moderates, who will support his insane, anti-progressive agenda, until eventually they have taken over-

OUR SCHOOLS (Fade to image of a large group of retarded kids taking over tables in a school cafeteria. One of them eats buggers from his nose during lunch in full sight while they all gaze lustfully at normal teenage girls and boys, breathing deeply and making other inappropriate comments and noises, some of them apparently masturbating under the table.)

OUR WORKPLACES (Cut to a scene of a large group of retarded adults taking over a warehouse, one of them knocking over large stacked boxes with a fork lift while the rest of them run amok, laughing maniacally as the normal workers cower in the corners, while smoke gathers from an area off camera and a fire alarm blares).

OUR PLACES OF BUSINESS (To a scene at a supermarket, where a riot of retarded people ensues due to a product being sold out, a leader of the riot glaring menacingly at a store clerk, leading a chant of “We want Pringles now! We want Pringles now!”).

OUR NEIGHBORHOODS (A scene of a normal Massachusetts family looking worriedly out their window as a loud, raucous group of retarded families who have moved into the neighborhood make an ungodly racket in the middle of the night, one man knocking on the door demanding a soda while his young retarded son defecates in the yard. The young son of the normal couple asks worriedly, “Mom, dad, isn’t there anything we can do?”)

EVEN OUR PLACES OF WORSHIP (Pan to a scene of a retarded woman demanding a large glass of wine as she steps up to partake of the Eucharist, the Priest helplessly acceding to the request in order to keep the peace).

AND ONCE THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, AND THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE, IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE ULTIMATE TRAGEDY THAT COULD RESULT

(Fade to scene at a polling place where a large group of retarded people stand waving posters proclaiming “Trig’s Mother Rocks-Vote Palin in 2012”.

Back to present scene of everyday voters of Massachusetts, going to and fro in their daily routines, unsuspecting of the impending tragedy as the music continues ominously in the background.

V/O-This could well be the future of Massachusetts, if Scott Brown succeeds in imposing his pro-Retarded Moderate agenda-an agenda that is anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-family, anti-business, anti-jobs, anti-education, anti-health care, and anti-Massachusetts. An agenda that could well end with a law mandating television shows and movies starring Retarded heroes, the promotion of books and music by Retarded artists, and even demands that normal people accept the Retarded as their equals in every way. How would you feel if the law forced your son or daughter to date a Retarded Moderate?

And once Retarded Moderates have paved the way-can Retarded Conservatives be far behind?

Scott Brown-In the pockets of the Retarded Moderates lobby. Bad for Massachusetts.

Paid for by the Committee of Normal Voters To Elect Martha Coakley

(the end)

If you are interested, IowaHawk is going to take what he considers the best ads and possibly make actual ad satires based on them. He hasn't announced a set date for that, but I would suggest you make any submissions you might wish to make as quickly as possible.