The Seed Of The Jackass

The liberal branch of the Democratic Party has of late seemingly followed the path of its Stalinist roots-take two steps forward, one step back. Although the narrow passage of the House version of the current medical reform bill is seen as a big victory, it came at a huge cost for the liberal Democrats. Thanks in large measure to the input of the Catholic Church, federal funding of abortions under the new plan would be off the table.

Step back and chew on that for a minute, then digest it fully, because it is more comprehensive than it sounds at first glance. Not only can a patient not use the government option to invest in abortion coverage, but-and here's where it really gets sticky, and seems ripe for a court challenge-they also can not use any tax credits they might receive in order to purchase abortion coverage, not even from a private plan. If I understand it right, if they purchase abortion coverage, they lose their tax credit. Period, end of story, no ifs, ands, or buts. No exceptions, in other words, for rape, incest, or life and/or health of the mother.

That is remarkable. It is a sure sign that the current Howard Dean strategy of attracting conservative candidates in order to make the Democratic Party more competitive in red states, while it has met with more success than any might have imagined, seems to have had unforeseen consequences.

Here's the part where it really gets complicated. No one is surprised in the least that conservative Democrats would use their clout in such ways as to limit if not outright end abortion on demand, but no one saw this coming. They should have, but they didn't. I should have too, but I didn't see it coming either.

In this case, the Catholic Church has sided with the more conservative, Blue-Dog Democratic constituency and it's congressional coalition. Talk about strange bedfellows. The Catholic Church voters within the Democratic Party, after all, make up one of its more liberal, progressive wings.

They are adamantly for peace, for environmental protections, for minimum wage, for all kinds of liberal social programs, they are steadfastly against the death penalty-and, if all that is not enough, they are even for a liberalized immigration policy, for God's sake. If it weren't for their positions in staunch opposition to abortion and euthanasia, you would fully expect to see them raising their voices in support of a single-payer universal health care system. Wait, come to think of it, I think they did that, though as luck would have it, even the clout of the Catholic Church has its limits. There is no denying, however, that it is considerable.

Remember when Joseph Stalin sneeringly asked how many divisions the Pope has? What foolish old Joe never realized was-he did not have a chance in hell of being elected Pope, whereas the Pope-well, he doesn't exactly need a battalion, does he?

Does this mean abortion is on the way out? No, of course not. There can never be too many conservative judges in a country as divided as ours. And I mean that quite literally. There can just never be enough, let alone too many. There are far too many moderate judges to swing either way, and when it comes to the abortion issue, they tend to swing left, be it ever so slightly. It just doesn't look good for such a prospect for now. But the times-well, they are a changing.

The way the wind is blowing lately harbors a lot of sentiment in the direction of a constitutional amendment, whereas the growing strength of the Blue Dog coalition, and the ever-growing clout of the Catholic Church in both mainstream political parties, makes that scenario sound not quite so far-fetched.

It's gotten to the point where even an influential member of the Kennedy clan-none other than Representative Patrick Kennedy, son of Ted-is openly criticized by the Church for his support of abortion rights. It has gotten so bad between he and the Bishop of Rhode Island, the Bishop canceled a scheduled meeting between himself and the Rhode Island Congressman, ostensibly arranged to try to work things out between the two of them.

Now, I sure didn't see that one coming. Is this by any chance a portent of things to come? Could this be a harbinger of the glad tidings of a coming split within the Democratic caucus? Could this in time lead to yet another Democratic Party exodus to the ranks of Republicans? Or could the Democratic Party itself possibly be in the process of undergoing a change in social philosophy, if in no other area than in the contentious area of abortion rights? Could that actually lead to a migration of liberal voters to some other political entity, such as the Greens?

Probably no, on all fronts. It bears repeating that abortion rights gets the short end of the stick for no other reason than the influence of the Catholic Church, which, again, tends to be very liberal on most other social, political, and economic policies. They might carry the day on a major piece of legislation such as this one, where it is pertinent, but this is unlikely to amount to much in the way of a major ideological shift within the Democratic Party beyond this issue. In fact, it has not amounted to such a shift now. It is nothing more than a single-issue defection, but it is a defection which threatened to torpedo a much desired and agonized over body of work-such as it is.

I guess not all Democrats are taken with the idea of butchering baby Democrats, even if those babies parents are, in great measure, from the more liberal wing of the party. For now, those that look upon abortion rights as a sacred humanitarian duty to uphold, and upon Roe v Wade as the closest thing to sacred writ they could ever imagine, don't seem quite to know how to deal with the unseemly dilemna. The Catholic Church, the oldest predominantly liberal (of late) organization in the world, has in effect committed what they must look upon as a heresy of the worse magnitude. And they have done so, hand in hand with a coalition of politicians who are the closest thing the Democratic Party could possibly produce that could hope to pass for conservative.

The moral of this story-whether you are a liberal Democrat, or a Blue Dog Democrat, you are, politically and culturally speaking, just one more suicidal ass.

Berlin Wall 20th Anniversary-The Big Picture

World leaders from across the globe have recently attended ceremonies in Berlin to mark the occasion when the Berlin Wall fell twenty years ago.

It was an historic event, to be sure, and certainly one which is worthy of world recognition. For more than twenty-five years, the wall stood as a symbol of oppression, and when it finally fell, it marked the beginning of a new era, a day when, at last, citizens of the all-but-extinct communist Soviet satellite state known as the German Democratic Republic-better known by most as East Germany-could finally travel freely past the border that had previously marked the east and west boundary of the German nation, bringing with them their hopes, dreams, and plans for the future.



Now, once again, we have a united Germany, by God. And don't you forget it.

V Is For Vacuous

Sorry, I just don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not that V is a terrible show. In the great scheme of television programming, it's just ordinary, and all the references to the Obama Administration in what has to be seen as an obvious attempt to appear topical and relevant, is not going to change that.

So buying into the advertising hype and the concomitant critical appraisals, I watched the opening premiere episode. It started off with a series of ever more ominous, threatening, and intensifying earth tremors, all leading to the revelation of an approaching group of interplanetary vessels, of huge size and of obviously advanced design, all eventually hovering over the major cities of the earth.

The leaders of the Visitors, played by Morena Bacarrin, pictured above, formerly of Firefly (as well as the spin-off feature film Serenity) somehow managed to address the entirety of the earth's population at once, in each of earth's major languages, simultaneously, assuring a worldwide captive audience of their peaceful intent and promises of sharing their advanced technology.

Now, if you're stupid enough to buy this premise, I have no doubt that you were probably inclined to go out and mindlessly purchase every item presented to you in the first round of advertisements. As it happens, by the time that first set of commercials was over and the next segment of this premiere episode aired, most of earth's population seemed ready to embrace the visitors and their line of smooth talking bullshit-just like that.

If you hadn't been paying attention up to this point, you might well have assumed the "aliens" were little more than a group of Mexican smugglers who just raced their marijuana or cocaine-laden van past a border checkpoint.

Actually, most of the earth's inhabitants as portrayed in this series don't even seem to display as much concern over the more fantastic scenario actually portrayed as most folks would betray over such a group of illegal earth style aliens. By the time the episode was half over, the Vatican has even issued a statement to the effect that the Visitors, as everyone calls them, are also God's creatures and should be treated with trust and understanding. Seeing as how everybody already seems collectively enthralled by the aliens by now, the Vatican's position seems to be somewhat unnecessary-even pointless.

But of course, there are a few characters who distrust the visitors. One of them is a Priest who tells his superior that "rattlesnakes are God's creatures too". There are others as well who are determined to resist the Visitors and the snake oil they are selling. In fact, few people seem to be aware that the Visitors are, in fact, snakes, come to earth for the sole purpose of first enslaving man, and then devouring him (assuming this pointless remake adheres to the plot of the original nineteen eighties series).

Even the FBI seems more determined to hunt down a terrorist cell than to concern itself with the fact that an interplanetary race of highly advanced beings of humanoid appearance has just appeared over all the major cities of earth and promised the inhabitants, in effect, the moon and the stars, in exchange for seemingly nothing but the right to grace us with their presence.

But of course, as fate would have it, this terrorist cell is actually a small group of people who are determined to resist the alien incursion. Some of these people include: a female FBI agent who is worried about her son's infatuation with the Visitors, which he has entertained to such an extent that he has, along with his best friend, signed up as a youth ambassador at the behest of an attractive blond visitor; a television news anchor, played by Scott Wolf (who bears a striking resemblance to Michael J. Fox), who is concerned about the Visitor's insistence that any interviews granted him must not ever portray the Visitors in a negative light; the priest; and finally, a black man, who in reality happens to be one of the "good Visitors", and, having fallen in love with an earth woman, is determined to save mankind from itself and it's fatal infatuation.

What do all these seemingly disparate characters have in common, other than the urge to fight to save humanity? Unfortunately, that would be the fact that they are all precisely the cliche' ridden, cardboard characters they sound like they are. The dialogue of this show is also standard hackneyed claptrap. Frankly, I could toss a bunch of Scrabble letters around and probably end up with better dialogue than was written for this episode.

What is worse, there was absolutely nothing that happened that made me care about what I just saw, or inspire me to wonder what was going to happen next. In a series where the laws of human nature are ignored, and where the accepted standards of natural reaction and common sense behavior seem to have eloped off together to parts unknown, it becomes obvious that as time goes on, no one else is much going to care. The truth is just too far out there, and not in a good way.

The series will air for four episodes during November sweeps, after which it will return for the remainder of its run in March of next year under new management. If it doesn't change drastically by that time, I have an idea most viewers will have lost their ill-founded infatuation with this series long before the fictional earthlings of this vapid program have recovered from their delusions about the Visitors.

Islamic Terrorism? Let's Call It What It Really Was-Treason

That is what I would designate the recent attacks at the Fort Hood Texas Army base committed by recently promoted Major Nidal Malik Hassan, an Army psychiatrist, of all things, apparently due to be stationed in either Iraq or Afghanistan, a future deployment which may have in fact been the major motivation behind the psychotic onslaught against his fellow American soldiers.

And make no mistake, Hassan was an American, born and raised in this country, though a son of Palestinian immigrants and a lifelong Muslim.

Yet, a perusal of his records is enough to make one wonder why he was promoted, and for that matter why he was not given a general discharge. That in fact would have been a kindness. He was obviously unfit for duty. I am not so quick as some others to ascribe political correctness for the reasons many of his antics were overlooked. Frankly, there is a heavy shortage of Arabic speaking soldiers and translators, and he filled a need he had no desire to fill.

But that is just the beginning. This is a man noted to engage in pro-Islamic diatribes against Americans and against his fellow soldiers, a man who applauded the actions of a recent Islamic convert in the shooting deaths of two Arkansas Army recruiters. This was a man who expressly stated at a public meeting that non-Muslims deserved to be beheaded, or set on fire. This was a man who stated that Muslims should strap suicide belts on and pay a visit to Times Square in New York.

This was a very seriously disturbed individual, and claims that he was harassed by his fellow soldiers due to his Islamic faith, even if true to some extent, does not by any stretch of the imagination begin to excuse his actions.

In fact, this attack might have been in the planning stages as far back as May or this year, when a blog entry was written by a man who used as his screen name Nidal Malik Hassan. In it, Hassan compared the recent heroism of an American soldier who jumped on a grenade to save the lives of his fellow American soldiers as an act of heroism akin to the actions of a suicide bomber who kills American soldiers in order to save Muslim lives.

Although the journal is currently being investigated, there has yet been no definitive proof offered that it is the same Nidal Malik Hassan. Still, it is a chilling document. As for Major Hassan, he is now paralyzed as the result of the bullets which put an end to his rampage, and he languishes now on a ventilator. He might well possibly spend the rest of his life in that condition, which will make any trial of him problematic at best.

That is too bad, as there needs to be a trial, a trial on charges of treason. Whether the death penalty is implemented, although it is certainly warranted, is not of major concern. It is actually a lesser issue in comparison to the need to set the example that this type of activity should not be allowed to stand, or be excused, or explained away. It should be designated exactly for what it is-the actions of a demented, depraved individual who abused the rights and privileges of his position of power and responsibility, and dishonored his country and his uniform, all for the insane tenets of a barbarous seventh century Middle Eastern style Orthodoxy that is best left to the confines of a museum, or for that matter, a zoo, albeit one not fit for any of nature's nobler beasts.

I do not fault any of the major news medias, at first glance, for failing to report the facts of Hassan's Islamic faith, even though the mere reporting of his name made it seem painfully obvious as to what was going on. I would assert that it would have been quite legitimate for the question to be raised. Having said that, I can certainly understand why they would feel compelled to not jump the gun or, as the saying goes "rush to judgment", even if the judgment was in fact staring us in the face with fingers flapping about the ears while a big long tongue stuck out at all of us. Obvious assumptions are not facts until they are confirmed as such. I get that. I just wish they would be consistent about it. For example, I would wish they would be willing to report the facts when they are confirmed as such, as opposed to filing them away when it is convenient to do so. These are what you call crimes of omission, and you can include among their numbers the crime I alluded to earlier which occurred in Arkansas, when a Muslim convert gunned down two Army recruiting officers. You never heard this story reported in the mainstream media. If not for the blogs, it would have been all but unknown. Thanks to the dereliction of the media, it is still a relatively obscure story.

This of course was a story that was not so easy to ignore, and so now the people of CAIR and other Islamic American organizations are worried about a potential backlash, expressing shock and condemnation of Hassan's crime while at the same time insisting we should not be so quick to judge this as a case of Islamic terrorism.

Other Muslims have followed suit on individual levels-here, for example-expressing disapproval and dismay at Hassan's actions, while one even went so far as to assert a potential correlation with Guy Fawkes Day, pointing out the crime at Fort Hood coincided with the anniversary of that British holiday.

As one might expect, there are numerous military blogs, official as well as privately owned, and run the gamut of personal opinions dealing with what potentially might have been Hassan's motivations.

As for me, like I said, whatever the facts or theories of the case, I'm fine with treason. Let's go with that, and set an example with this piece of shit, and any others who might be tempted to follow his path, of whatever faith they try to wrap around their useless, meaningless lives.

Living With Death

It is beyond belief that someone could get away with the acts that Anthony Sowell committed for so many years, from the time he was released from prison in 2003 after serving the entirety of a fifteen year prison sentence for a very violent attempted rape, which from the description sounds like it was probably also an attempted murder, on until the time he was finally apprehended-on Halloween of this year, appropriately.

Eerily enough, the crime for which he was initially arrested, and which lead to the gruesome discovery of six decomposing bodies in his home-along with the skeletal remains of four others and the skull of yet one more past victim-was yet another attempted rape committed near the Autumn Equinox.

Nevertheless, he was finally apprehended, and later denied bond by a judge who described the crimes for which Sowell is being accused as beyond anything he had ever faced.

Indeed, you have to wonder what kind of individual could live alone with the stinking, rotting, and decomposing bodies of six human corpses. The stench was so overpowering, the neighbors assumed it must have either been coming from the sewers or from the neighboring pork store, which was next door to Sowell's residence.

In fact, Sowell was described by one of the employees of the store, which he patronized, as a nice man who made him cringe due to the bad smell that emanated from the man, which the employee in question was ashamed to ask him about.

Despite assurances that the smells did not come from the store, and despite countless man hours of work done on the sewers in the neighborhood, there was no respite from the stench.

Nor did it even arouse any undue suspicions when a nude woman was seen either falling or jumping out of Sowell's window one time, which he explained away as the accidental result of a cocaine and alcohol binge. The woman in question said nothing to contradict this statement, to be fair, but still, this seemed to also set off no alarm bells for the Cleveland cops who, after all, were well aware that Sowell was a registered sex offender, one who in this instance openly admitted to illegal drug use at the very least.

It took all of six weeks for the last surviving victim to tell her story to the police, and for them to finally act on the information. But, after all, this was a drug addict and possibly a prostitute, like so many of the other missing women who have fallen through the cracks in the general vicinity of this East Cleveland neighborhood, many of whom are potentially past victims of Anthony Sowell.

Here is the link to another story told by a woman who claims to be yet another of Sowell's victims, a woman who survived, if the story is to be believed, merely by keeping her head and wits about her and appealing to whatever sense of humanity and reason Sowell, a former Marine, still had at his disposal.

The system let down a lot of people in this story, including even Sowell, a seriously disturbed individual who, while yet in prison, requested sex offender therapy which he never received. The women are another story. They have gone down the road they traveled for the most part of their own volition, in some cases never to return. This is not the fault of the system. By the same token, unfortunately, the system found it far too easy to disregard reports of their disappearance. They were drug addicts, alcoholics, and prostitutes. They were, simply put, not a priority.

Now the only thing it can possibly do to make restitution is tie up the loose ends that are the remnants of tragic, wasted lives.

No More Tears

Have a blessed and happy Samhain.

Attuning With The Dead

You can't really communicate with them, of course. If the dead exist at all in a spiritual realm, it is in the form of the pure energy which is the culmination of all their past hopes, fears, and other emotions. They are little more than creatures of instinct, reacting to familiar stimuli, yet incapable of progressing through the acquisition of new knowledge. Duh, like that would require a brain with brain cells, which they no longer have, right? As such, they can not carry on a conversation beyond what they knew in life. Forget about turning to them for advice or for the wisdom of the ages. Again, they no longer have the capacity to process new information, so any such attempt would be lost on them, even in the unlikely event they understood exactly where they were in relation to you.

Spirits exist on a plane of existence similar to a dream state, with about that much self-control, so learning anything from them is pretty much limited to what they knew in life, which may not be reliable. After all, memories fade. Try it some time. Rent a DVD of an old television series from ten, twenty, thirty or more years back, one you used to watch and enjoyed as a child. You will be amazed at how much you've forgotten and how much your memory changed in your mind. Some plot lines will now be seen as not nearly so important as you remembered them, while some lines will be totally different than you remembered them.

This is why any such information gained from so-called "spirit contact" is by it's nature unreliable, as is any alleged "past life" memories. People's memories change day to day, imagine what it must be like life to life. Only those things of vital importance will be carried over into a new life, a new body, and a new brain. Seemingly important matters in one life will become trivial matters at best with no place in even the deepest recesses of an unconscious memory.

How then does one attune with the spirits of the dead, and why?

You do it in honor of them and their impact on your life. Speaking to the spirits of departed loved ones, family members, and ancestors, is merely a matter of reaching down into the depths of that which made you what you are. And make no mistake, for good or for bad, no matter how many generations ago they might have lived, regardless of how trivial and unimportant their lives might have been or seemed, your ancestors did contribute in at least some small fashion in making you what you are today.

How much more true then is that of those with whom we have been close to in our lives who have now moved on, have passed away from this mortal veil.

In attuning with ancestors, and those dearly departed from our lives, that is what we are truly recognizing, honoring, and respecting and it is surely worthy endeavor for that reason alone.

Thanks for the picture goes to Danielle

The Nightwalker-Short Horror Film

The best short horror film I've seen so far, seriously scary and disturbing. If you ever seriously considered astral projection, or are now or have been seriously considering it, I promise you it will make you seriously reconsider it.

Seriously. Scary. Stuff.

Samhain Tarot Reading

HaHa bet you were expecting something cool, huh, like maybe The Devil, Death, or The Tower, but instead you get a mushy old love card, and for Halloween, for Samhain, a night of death. Is nothing sacred?

Well, yes, love is, or can be, and this card is a reminder of what the true meaning of Samhain is, which is to keep in mind all of those loved ones who are now departed but who nevertheless live in our hearts forever. They have always been a part of you. They will always be a part of you. You should attune with that, and appreciate that, and keep the spirits of their love alive in your heart.

Even if it hurts. Cos then, well, it maybe won't hurt so much anymore, and what's even cooler, it will help you to appreciate the love you have with you all the more while you still have it to appreciate. Nothing bad about that.

Astrological Aspects For A Blessed Samhain

A strange set of aspects due mainly to Mars in Leo, which is trine the Moon in Aries, and squared the Sun and Mercury in Scorpio-as is the Moon. It would seem then that the night is more auspicious than the day, which will be more hectic and bustling with activity and possibly some confusion, while the night will be more conducive to merry making and partying, as well as for ritual observances. This will be augmented by a trine of Venus in Libra to Jupiter and Neptune in Aquarius, highlighting a chance to make new friends and renew old acquaintances, though as usual one should be aware of deception, especially that of the self-induced variety. Meanwhile, Saturn begins it's sojourn in the sign of Libra, encouraging a lessening of the restraints previously afflicted on a playful and wanton Uranus in Pisces. Yet, the sextile of Mars to Uranus advises against throwing all caution to the wind.

Me, I'm just making me a new ritual altar. Who needs a lot of drama?

The Devils In The Details

At least that's what Pat Robertson would probably tell you about the following peanut butter candy recipe, at least if you prepare it and/or eat it during Halloween. I guess any other time it's all right. Got that? Thanks be to Sannion for this timely warning, as it has strangely disappeared from the CBN website where it was first discovered.

Be that as it may, I now present the following recipe for Peanut Butter Fudge. If you decide to make it during Halloween or the current or any following Samhain holidays, do proceed with all due appropriate caution as you prepare the following.

2 cups sugar
2/3 cup evaporated milk
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup marshmallow cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Combine the sugar and evaporated milk in a saucepan and bring to a full boil, allowing it to continue at a full boil for five minutes, stirring constantly but gently to prevent sticking. At the end of the five minutes, remove from heat. Add the peanut butter, stirring until it has dissolved completely. Repeat this process with the marshmallow creme. Finally, add the vanilla extract. Pour into a shallow pan and allow to cool. Candy should gradually harden to a firm yet soft consistency, hard enough to cut into wedges or slices, and yet still soft enough to allow for the entrance of any demonic spirits in your immediate vicinity.

Enjoy this sinful pleasure during Halloween, or any other time.

Prison Break-From Death Unto New Life

When it comes time for a great television series to finally come to an end, it should end well, and Prison Break did that in perhaps the only way it could have. In the flash forward at the end to four years later to the lives of the major players, we see them all at the culmination of their individually wrought destinies.

Three of them would finally achieve the happiness and fulfillment they clearly deserved, while for two others, the ending would be more bittersweet. Still, in both these cases, love would manifest in new forms.

As for the others, their end would not be so lucky. One of them would have the rest of his life to sit and reflect on his mistakes and wrongdoings. Another would find himself forced to hopelessly try to steel his courage and resolve in order to face the judgment he had brought upon himself. Yet another would discover that finally achieving the authority, respect, and meaning in life he so desperately craved would necessitate his life turning full circle. And finally, one would learn that the acquisition of power and authority would never enable him to ever come close to escaping from his guilty conscience or fully making up for past crimes.

And of course, there was the one who made the ultimate sacrifice, yet for all his mistakes and miscalculations, did so selflessly.

The background music is Lay It Down Slow by Spiritualized.

Haunted House

Gregory House MD is in this clip from season five haunted by the spirit of Amber, or as House used to call her, "Cutthroat Bitch", for whose death he correctly feels responsible. Years of Vicadin abuse has caught up with him, and he is currently a kinder, gentler House. Prior to his detoxing, however, things came to a head when his subconscious feelings of guilt, longing, and Gods know what other emotions manifested in the form of the girl whose death he caused, a former colleague and fiance' of his best friend, Wilson.

And so it goes. Our most important relationships live on in our subconscious minds long after the people themselves have left this mortal vale, or at least our lives. They don't usually manifest in such an extremely profound manner as this, but they can, and with very malefic consequences to our psyches, especially when they are manifestations of our most base emotions brought about by heavy drug use. In them we can see our shame, our guilt, our lusts, our hatreds, and our most dreaded fears.

When she first appeared to House, it did not take long for her, this subconscious manifestation of House's most selfish inclinations, to lead him into commiting the attempted murder of another colleague, Chase. He realized then what an unhealthy relationship he had been toying with. Unfortunately, as seen here, this was one ghost who was not going to away easily into that good night.

Well, it's time to take a stroll through The Pagan Temple's Halloween House of Horrors. I wonder whoever we shall run into as we journey through the haunted mansion. Let's take a look inside.

Shall we?

Well, what do you know? It looks like our host is stepping forward to greet us. What a nice, kindly looking genrtleman.


HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAThis house has been foreclosed BITCHES!

Er, well, moving right along, let's step into the master bedroom and see what wonders await us there. Why, what a big bedroom. It's almost as big as a house itself, and look at all the fun toys and stuffed animals scattered to and fro. This must have been the bedroom of a playful, loving child. Wait. Who's this we see? Why, it's-


Would you like to stay for some milk and cookies, little boys, or would you prefer some Jesus Juice?










Man, what a scary place this is. I think we got out of there in the nick of time. Let's just stay here by this warm fireplace and figure out where we go from here, and-wait, who is that young attractive lady coming through the window with a rope and knife? You wouldn't hurt us would you, young pretty lady?


Look bitch, I ain't got no mercy for you.









Quick, everybody, run! Look, here's a closet, let's hide in here and-Oh my God, who's that hanging there with a cord around his testicles?

Would you like to tie some nuts, folks?









WHOA I think we'd best forget about touring new rooms. Let's just sit here in the drawing room and watch the haunted television for a while. It's all right, it looks like it's just a commercial. But what's the loud-mouthed gentleman going to try to sell us and-and-why is his hand reaching out of the television?



ACT NOW AND I WILL PERSONALLY DELIVER YOU A SECOND LINE OF COCAINE ABSOLUTELY FREE!









Screw this, let's go to the kitchen. Maybe the kitchen staff will have a nice snack for us, then we can get the hell out of here. Hey, look at the funny looking gentleman with the pie? Hey sir, can we have a piece please?


SURE HAVE SOME RIGHT IN THE FACE MOTHERFUCKER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA










That did it, I'm getting the hell out of this place, it's dangerous here and it should be reported. Right there, there's a strong looking man who looks like a person of authority. He looks like he might have even been a cop in San Francisco at one time, so you know he has to be thick-skinned. Hey sir, can you please help us out of here? We'll pay you anything.


Is that so? Let me see your Master Card, motherfucker. You will never leave here without it!









Fuck you Karl Malden, I'm leaving here, and not only that, I'm taking that poor, frail, sick looking woman over there with me. Come on, guys, let's get her and take her with us. Come on lady, let's-oh no, it's-

Why are your pants wet, young man? I made you cum all over yourself, didn't I? You know you want me.









Actually, that's where I pissed myself when Susan Atkins came through the window, so fuck you, hag. I'm getting out of here. Hey, guys, let's see if we can catch a ride with that elderly, distinguished gentleman. I don't give a fuck if he is dog drunk. Hey sir, can I please ask you for a big favor?



You bitches need a ride home? Hop right in.









Fuck that, I think I'll hoof it.

Everybody Must Die

The Not So Secret Fraudster

The three people who died at James Ray's Sedona Arizona Sweat Lodge weren't the first deaths to happen due to this activity, but they have to be the downright stupidest examples of such a tragedy. Usually, when somebody dies, it's an Indian elder who dies voluntarily. On some occasions, the deaths are accidental, due to poor health. But the incident in Sedona is probably the first time so many people died at the hand of one misguided (at best) individual who put himself across as an enlightened expert at something he didn't know anything about.

That's the worse part of this. The deaths of these three people and the endangerment and injury of so many others were senseless. The ironic part is Ray is right in one regard. In a sense, they brought their fates on themselves. They plainly should have known better than to trust someone just a little bit of research would have told them might be just a little bit full of shit, and that it might not be such a good idea to fast for three days, including going without water, before piling into a sweat lodge with numerous other people adding to the heat. Yes, they all acted stupidly.

Well, that's Ray's philosophy, as espoused in his venture The Secret. Bad things happen to good people and to bad alike because of their thought processes, their attitudes, their negativity.

That's why 9/11 happened, according to Ray. That's also why, to his way of thinking, the Jews were victimized by the Holocaust.

Strangely, so far Ray has avoided assigning blame to the victims of this tragedy. He's too busy trying to dodge the blame himself-for organizing the event, and abandoning the participants while his crew refused to allow anybody to leave after it became obvious many were sickened by the experience, to the point in some cases of unconsciousness. And just think, they only paid nine thousand dollars for this experience-this once in a lifetime chance for spiritual growth.

Now three of them have died, there is already lawsuits pending and more expected, Ray's publisher has put a hold on any further books by the self-styled guru, and the entire incident is now being investigated as a homicide.

All because some jackass managed to convince a bunch of foolish, deluded people that the answer to all life's problems can be summed up with platitudes about positive thinking while leading them into rituals for which he had no qualifications to perform.

I think I'll just go off in a corner now and think some good positive thoughts, about life, death, and justice.

A Little Sarah For Your Trick-Or-Treat?

Hell, why not? I have an idea for what would probably be an award winning Halloween costume. Sarah Palin, of course, carrying Trig, dressed as-wait for it-

A Blessed Angel.

Yeah, I know, I'm a dick. Of course to make this work you're probably going to have to rent a Downs Syndrome afflicted baby, which shouldn't be that difficult. Steal one if you have to, most parents probably wouldn't mind. Your Sarah can give him adoring looks, then disgusted ones when she's playing the part of thinking no one's looking.

You can go all out and make it a family affair. Have someone dressed as Bristol with a basketball under her top, and Levi Johnson in the act of undressing for a Playboy shoot. For that matter you can have a Willow tagging along, being stalked by A-Rod. You can have the youngest girl licking her hand and slicking down Trig's hair. See, the sky is the limit with this stuff.

Hey, give me a break now, it's Halloween. So what if she called Trig a blessed little angel or a retard? I'm like one of the commentors at Wonkette. Maybe the truth is a strange mix of the two versions. Maybe she actually called him a "retarded little angel", or a "blessed retard".

Who cares? I just think it's funny. But then again, I thought it was funny when Mount Redoubt erupted during the height of the Palin Alaska lawsuit ethics charges controversy, then stopped erupting not too long before she resigned as Governor. Hell I'm waiting for it to blow again. And bear in mind that when I say that, I am a Palin supporter.

How To Be A Prick For Halloween

You dress as the Swine Flu of course. If you really want to be an asshole draw a star and crescent on the costumes chest. Who says Halloween has to be nice and wholesome?

Chipmunk WIsdom

Yo, we are all connected

Somebody Please Help, There's Democrats On My Face

Rob Taylor of Red Alerts has dug up the horror story to end all horror stories. Seems that a company called Neocutis has started making dermatological skin care and anti-aging cream from the stem cell lines of aborted fetuses, according to Christian watchdog group Children Of God For Life, which through a spokeswoman issued the following statement-

“It is absolutely deplorable that Neocutis would resort to exploiting the remains of a deliberately slaughtered baby for nothing other than pure vanity and financial gain,” stated Executive Director Debi Vinnedge. “There is simply no moral justification for this.”

I have to agree with Miss Vinnedge, and like Rob, I am appalled. Okay you women out there who might be tempted to use this product, it's time for some straight talk. We all know that the vast majority of fetuses aborted in America today are the spawn of Democrats and other leftists. Think about that, and ponder the potential implications.

Talk about every day and night being Halloween. Sure you might look good for a while, but later on down the road, do you really want to look like one of the women in the following photograph?



You have been warned.