And then there was the time a four year old found a used discarded condom in a hotel room and, thinking it was a balloon, tried to blow it up, resulting in his contracting genital herpes. In his mouth.
They are everywhere, and not just in our back alleys and dumpsters either. They are in our public parks. They are on our beaches. They are everywhere. So what can we do? I call on GOP candidate Rick Santorum to speak out on this matter. Since he said that Protestant Christians who practice birth control aren't truly Christian, he should take the lead. Instead of passing out Etch-A-Sketches at Romney events, why not have a national drive to collect used condoms? Since Easter and the Vernal Equinox are both at their core fertility festivals, what better time to establish a nationwide used condom hunt? We could probably collect tens of thousands or more in no time flat. Then comes the fun part.
With DNA analysis being at its current state, it should be no problem to determine the identity of both sexual partners, though it might be difficult to determine the female's identity in those cases where the used rubbers have been left out in the rain. But in those cases where both partners can be easily determined, we give them a choice. Either pay a hefty fine, spend some time in jail, or agree to have the discarded semen inseminated inside the vagina of the woman in whom by all rights it should have been entered. I call on Rick Santorum to make a clear, concise, principled stand. After all, each drop of cum in a condom represents potentially thousands of human lives that have just been heartlessly, callously discarded. Don't get me wrong. I know its not going to be easy. After all, humans have used condoms since ancient times.
But that's all the more reason why we need a man of vision to lead this important mission. A man named Santorum. Come on Rick. Let's show some leadership on this vital issue.
