Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Daytona 500-It Wasn't About Danica Patrick

And that makes me happy, because I've already about had it with this broad. She's all about marketing and self-promotion, which is why if you even know who she is you probably know what ninety percent of her body looks like. And hey, that would be fine, except for the unfortunate fact that well, frankly she's not all that. Now if she marketed herself as an example for "full-figured" (ie, "fat") women to emulate, she might do all right, because this chick is, let's face it, rather "big-boned". Her ankles are like a cross between Hillary Clinton and a baby elephant. In other words, invisible. Not her legs though, you can see those tree trunks just fine, thank you. And she's god damned determined that, sooner or later, see them you will, and eventually everything else that goes with them.

Yet, she has the chutzpah to get all huffy about being referred to as sexy, that she doesn't want to be thought of that way (no worries here, sweet cheeks). One sports reporter called her a bitch. Hey, bitch is as bitch does, but regardless, he felt obliged (probably forced) to apologize.

Then she had a wreck during a qualifying run for the Indy 500 and got pushed to the back of the pack. A couple of days later she wrecked again in a practice run, and in an obscenity-laced tirade blamed her teammate. (the only thing she could blame for the first accident was the fucking wall she crashed into), Despite all this Danica has her defenders, one of whom blamed the Daily Caller and Smitty of The Other McCain for her misfortune. Why? Okay, if you insist. 

In a bout of what is probably serial cluelessness, she recently answered a question by The Daily Caller about the recent health care insurance, contraceptive imbroglio by saying she trusts the government to make the right decision. Not much room for interpretation there. She is either somebody who really believes the government should have that kind of power, or she actually thought that would be the best way to dodge the question and possibly alienate her legions of fans, including evidently a good many horny men who probably haven't had a piece of ass aside from their own hands in years.  Whatever the case, Smitty also jumped on the critical bandwagon, along with some others, and according to fanboy slim this was probably all on her mind and caused her misfortunes on the track. Yes, seriously.

By now, I was hoping for the first time for somebody to come in dead last in a sporting event. I didn't get that wish. Oh, she didn't win. Matt Kenseth was the winner, edging out Dale Earnhardt Jr who finished second. Danica, who started out at number 36, got pushed back to 40 (after being involved in yet another accident during the second lap of the race), and managed to claw her way back to number 38. Like her overall career both as an Indy and as a NASCAR driver-and for that matter as a nearly nude model-a lackluster, mediocre performance at best.

No doubt Troglopundit and myriads of others who insist she is "good for NASCAR" will try to blame her poor showing on the accident, or these other distractions. But I have to wonder-if she is this easily distracted, maybe she should find another line of work. Maybe a hostess. Not a waitress, though. The last thing any of her hapless male worshipers need is a pot of hot coffee dumped in their laps.