Those Evil Human Animal Hybrids

After watching George Bush for more than five years now, I’ve come to one very important conclusion. This is a very simple man, and you can easily know the truth of what he says. You just use this simple procedure-whenever he opens his mouth, the exact total oppossite of what he says is more than likely the truth. Whether it’s the Iraqi conflict, the Katrina debaucle, or environmental policy, he says exactly what he thinks most people want him to say-and then he does the exact oppossite. There are some apparent exceptions to this, of course, such as his oppossition to federal funding for stem cell research, but even in matters such as these, when he says he does not object to private ventures-only to use of federal funds-you can detect the hint of a wink and a nod.

This premise leads me back to a subject I have thought of at some length ever since the last State Of The Union Address. In pointing out the ethical dangers inherent in technological improvements and scientific advancements, in this modern age, and the need to insure against possibel abuses, he warned us all about the evil prospect of- the creationof animal/human hybrids.

The minute this came out of his mouth I wondered in amazement, where the hell did he dig that up from? Is this evidence that he is coming unhinged at last, or that he is, after all, a dry drunk, as has been suggested? Is it conceivable that such secret scientific experiments are on-going, and that he is setting the stage for plausible deniability of any personal knowledge in the event of a leak?

Then I got to thinking-why not? What would be the harm? I can think of a lot of good that could come of such research, and as such, I offer my thoughts on such such a potential-I call it:

THE HUMAN BIRD

Now what could be more thrilling and filled with greater potential of improving on the human species than this utilization of one of the oldest of mankinds dreams-the ability to fly like a bird? Not in a plane, helicopter, or glider, but with your own set of fully developed wings. The military applications in and of themselves make pursuing this possibility worthwhile. Imagine open air battles between warring armies, shooting at each other up in the air, far lesseningh the prospect of innocent loss of lives, as for the most part civilian non-combatants will be far more enabled to leave the scene of the conflict.

People would get far more exercise than they currently do. The pleasure of flying about the neighborhood or the countryside would take on entirely new dimensions, as it would allow one to take in more territory than is currently reasonable by walking, bicycling, or even by automobile. There would be time to make a few incidental stops at the market, make it to appointments, and work, on time, all in such a way that would lessen highway traffic congestion, to say nothing of pollution. Then, there would be the savings as to energy expenses.

Of course, people being people, the novelty would soon wear off in most cases, and those set of wings would pretty soon become about as useless as-well, as a pair of arms and legs.

On the other hand, maybe not. Toddlers will quikly learn to fly, and by the time they are two it will be a full time job chasing them down, literally, from the sky. Of course, soon they will be eight, and ten, and twelve, and then puberty sets in, so parents wings might get overworked, if anything.

And speaking of childcare, why stop with wings? Why not go the full route, create a human bird hybrid that, instead of carrying their young for nine months, will when becoming pregnant, simply lay an egg? Bingo. I think I see what the Neo-Cons are up to now. No disturbance of the work force, no pesky maternity leave for businesses to have to contend with. Just insure that all expecting families have access to affordable quality incubators-or, for that matter, incubation centers. Voila-an entirely new industry, with the potential of adding tens of thousands of new jobs to the work force.

Damn! I think I’ve hit on what might well end up being the one positive aspect of the Bush legacy.