Hallowbeens

Well, Samhain is nigh approaching, and I'm fucking broke. Yeah, sad to say, no money for the little trick or treaters, so I'll be turning out the lights, and standing wiht my shotgun at the ready in the event somebody gets a little irked at my lack of holiday spirit. No, no, don't worry, I promise, I'll just shoot up in the air. And while I'm watching the roost, I'll be cooking the only Halloween treat I can afford this year. A big pot full of pinto beans.

Don't feel sorry for me though. Actually, accordding to ancient Greek mythology, pinto beans have, at certain times of the year, the unique property of being attractive to the spirits of the dead. To wit, a spirit that hides inside a pinto bean stands the chance of being reincarnated, provided the bean is ingested by someone. In classical Greek times, this was considered a warning to not eat dried beans. I think, however, that in Pre-Classical times-Mychaenaean or possibly even Minoan-this was probably some form of fertility rite. In other words, the eating of beans was encouraged much like rice in Oriental cultures. Must have something to do with the protein, which, of course, cum is also chock full of. And, evidently, reincarnation was looked on more kindly in one or both of these cultures, whereas it was at least ignored, if not to be discouraged, in the Classical Greek times. A kind of ancestor worship? Maybe.

But, at any rate, it is best to soak your dried beans overnight. Ritually bless them, with the aid of the deities in order to keep out negative spirits. Soak them the night before Samhain, or Halloween, of course, and then cook them on the big day. Cook them with some bacon or some salt pork, if possible, otherwise lard or oil is fine. Salt them well. And eat at night, while attunning with the Goddess and the God, as that latter prepares to sojourn into his yearly underworld repose. Trust him to guide unto you those spirits with whom you wish to commune. And eat those beans, with gratitude and thanks. Luckily, fearing the potential for a fiscally rough month, I laid in a provision of cooking supplies early, so I will also have my traditional fantasy fudge, also cooked with visualization, personal power, and ritually blessed. And of course, the Anise Tea of which I posted earlier.

As for the "Hallowbeens", a word of caution is advised. When cooking them, you might want to add a pinch of baking soda. This will lessen the gas effects. Failure to do so might result in the manifestation within your abode of a scent most foul, malignant, and evil. And I'm not talking about an underworld spirit.